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| You are misplaced along with: Home > News | 11th February |
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 Anthrax Don: Syria can't be trusted with WMDs 19 Apr 2003 by Paul Island The U.S. Defence Secretary, Donald Rumsfeld, last night clarified the Bush administration's position on countries with weapons of mass destruction. In a press conference at the White House one correspondent questioned Mr Rumsfeld's seemingly hypocritical stance on such countries. "India, Pakistan and Israel all have a nuclear capability but appear to escape your notice while the United States itself has the largest stockpile of chemical and biological weapons in the world," stated Douglas Ramsbottom of the Washington Post. "Isn't this a little hypocritical when considering your stance on Syria, for example?" Anthrax Don, as Mr Rumsfeld is affectionately known by friends, deftly answered this question. "What really worries me is not so much that many regimes have these weapons, it's how responsibly a regime is going to behave when they've got them," he said. "Some countries are much more responsible than others." A Pentagon insider later clarified to DeadBrain what Mr Rumsfeld meant by "responsible". "Iraq under Saddam Hussein was very irresponsible. He obtained chemical weapons from – er – sources for him to use exclusively on Iran, but talk about unreliable! Instead he chose to use them to threaten his neighbours," said our source near the big red button. "In response to this we invaded Iraq and bombed it to pieces. Now how many countries would go to all the trouble of stopping a ruthless genocidal tyrant with a psychopathic son they'd given the most deadly and contagious plague on Earth to? And when we finally do find these weapons I promise you we'll give them to a more stable tyrant next time. That's what we mean by responsible." Back at the press conference, Mr Rumsfeld was asked why he felt Syria is an irresponsible regime. "Imagine Syria develops chemical weapons," he replied. "Then imagine somewhere like Jordan has a revolution and a ruthless and genocidal tyrant comes to power, and this ruthless and genocidal tyrant - apart from being especially ruthless and tyrannical - is also an economic genius and builds the Jordanian economy into the most powerful in the Middle-East. Then Syria gives chemical weapons to this tyrant. My argument is would Syria be able to do the decent thing and bomb Jordan back to the dark ages? Quite obviously they would lack the military capacity." Finally, as the majority of the press contingent began to either drift out or drift off, a reporter asked whether having a large military capacity is the only criteria for being considered responsible enough to possess weapons of mass destruction. Mr Rumsfeld was quick off the mark to answer: "'Hell no, having a shit load of oil helps, why do you think I gave them to Saddam in the first place?" Related articles Baghdad cat gets stuck up tree 11 Apr 2007
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One week on: Top 10 options for Saddam22 Dec 2003 Bush hails downfall of Sauron, asks for UN aid for Mordor reconstruction 15 Dec 2003 Bush: Ever noticed how all evil people have beards? 14 Dec 2003 17:53 Tony Blair's reaction to Saddam Hussein's capture 14 Dec 2003 14:46 Coalition: Saddam captured, will never buy weapons from us again 14 Dec 2003 Bush, Rumsfeld in Halloween video campaign for Iraqi war effort 30 Oct 2003 Bush appeals directly to Europeans for Iraq aid 16 Oct 2003 Bush upset over Nobel Peace Prize, promises "decisive action" 10 Oct 2003 Guantanamo Bay interpreters suspected of Comical Ali influence 7 Oct 2003 White House sacks Bush speechwriters after poor UN performance 24 Sep 2003 Branson considering Iraq bid 22 Sep 2003 In Brief: Leaders find common ground in Iraq talks 20 Sep 2003 Cheney look-alike blames Saddam Hussein™ for everything 17 Sep 2003 US seeks alternative financing for its occupation of Iraq 5 Sep 2003 US finds planes, battleships, soldiers buried in Iraqi desert 2 August 2003 Bush and officials to take turns accepting blame for bogus uranium claim 31 July 2003 Comical Ali: Blair's son is dead 29 Jul 2003 Liberation of Iraq to be re-enacted for Crimewatch 25 Jul 2003 Comical Ali: Saddam's sons are not dead 23 Jul 2003 Blair's forged Iraq documents may have been forged forgeries 21 Jul 2003 Satire site found guilty of fabricating war report 21 Jul 2003 Pentagon: OK, so maybe the Iraqis had a cloaking device 18 Jul 2003 Parliament approves hunting for WMD with hounds 16 Jul 2003 Saddam Hussein™ offers $10 million reward for Cheney 10 Jul 2003 MPs clear BBC in Iraq dossier row 7 Jul 2003 U.S. prepares ground for more liberations 6 Jul 2003 Saddam Hussein to feature in next Harry Potter novel 27 Jun 2003 Bush and Rumsfeld in card game spat 25 Jun 2003 Rumsfeld outraged at Satirists' Guild, threatens "forceful action" 23 Jun 2003 Satirists Guild calls for halt on WMD stories 22 Jun 2003 New fabricated intelligence dossier proves everything 20 Jun 2003 Greenstock appointed to Iraq post; rest of world couldn't care less 19 Jun 2003
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