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After Saddam

Tony Blair to replace Colin Powell as America's chief diplomat
Tony Blair accepted the position of Secretary of State for the United States government today, after a lengthy screening process. He will resign as Prime Minister and replace outgoing Secretary Colin Powell effective 1 July.

As the top diplomat in the Bush Administration, it will be Blair's responsibility to convince the world of the continued need to make war against nations suspected of possessing weapons of mass destruction (Syria, Iran), while justifying the lack of war preparations against nations which have already affirmed their possession of such weapons (North Korea, France).

It was widely rumoured that Powell's position was in jeopardy due to his frequent clashes with US Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld regarding Iraq. President and CEO-In-Chief George W. Bush hinted at this while praising Blair's contributions to the war effort. "We've had our eye on Tony for a while now. He did more to sell 'Operation Liberate Iraq's Oil' to the world than anyone else, and he'll be rewarded accordingly." Bush cited Blair's recruitment of the usually recalcitrant island nation of Palau into the "coalition of the willing" as an example of Blair's diplomatic skills.

Unfortunately for the Bush Administration, it appears that Secretary Powell won't be leaving quietly. At a press conference this morning, he angrily told reporters, "Blair set me up. I knew he wanted the job after I found out about the intelligence report." Powell was referring to the case he made to the UN for war with Iraq using an intelligence report provided by the British government. The report was later discovered to have been plagiarized from a book report by Douglas Ramsbottom, 11, of Nottingham.

A source close to Mr. Blair, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the timing of the announcement was linked to Mr. Blair's failure to secure the "rear of the year" award. "Mr. Blair felt he had to do something to deflect public attention from the embarrassment of losing the award to Ronan Keating," he explained, sniggering slightly.

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