 |
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Dick Cheney |
|
 |
|
| You feel threatened by: Home > News | 11th February |
| |
|
 Local elections promise to be most exciting thing since last local elections 28 Apr 2003 This Thursday's English local council and Scottish and Welsh national elections promise to be an exciting clash between parties, the Prime Minister tried desperately to persuade people today. "Look, we've got schools and hospitals on one side, 20% cuts on the other, giving in to the Nazis on the other – this is exciting stuff. Surely nobody will want to miss out on voting – everyone should vote if they possibly can," he enthused. "For us, obviously." The Conservative "leader", Iain Duncan Smith, was equally enthusiastic. "These local elections will be at least as exciting as the last ones, if not more so," he told a group of journalists having lunch in McDonald's. "The fact that my job is on the line makes it even more exciting for me personally. Mind if I pinch a chip? Thanks." Liberal Democrat leader, Charles Kennedy, was more cautious in urging people to vote. "Of course, voting is every man, woman and child's right and duty. Well, not child's, but you know what I mean. But having said that, it is also every man, woman and child's right and often calling not to vote. As politicians we can't be seen to be forcing people to vote when they have the right to voice their opinions by not doing so," he said. "They should still vote for the Liberal Democrats though, just not anybody else." However, politicians have a battle on their hands to encourage people to go to the polls. For decades turnouts in local and national elections have been low, with most voters uninterested in politics altogether. This year the government is piloting new ways of voting, including by post and text message, in the hope of attracting more people. Britain's voice of yoof, Ali G, summed up young people's attitudes to elections this morning in a keynote address to the Electoral Reform Society. "Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii," he argued persuasively, with a particularly odd hand gesture. A poll conducted for DeadBrain by pollsters MORIORLESSI has meanwhile revealed what people's top priorities are for this election. Education, health and crime got the top three spots, followed by Peter Snow's swingometer in fourth place. This has been interpreted as a particular blow for extremist parties like the BNP. "Peter Snow's swingometer is a well-known instrument of democracy, promising fairness, accuracy and, above all, amusement on election nights throughout history," said political commentator Gregory T Mullet. "This is diametrically opposite to what parties like the BNP believe in. That people value Peter Snow's swingometer so highly suggests to me that they are completely out of touch with the electorate." Local and national politicians are now hot on the campaign trail. Several have distributed leaflets in a futile attempt to let people know they exist, while others have even knocked on doors – albeit their own neighbours'. A spokesman for the Local Government Association denied that candidates were not taking enough interest in their election bids. "On the contrary," he said, "they take every bit as much interest as the rest of the population." Related articles New Tory information minister hails election victory 2 May 2003 British Apathy Party triumphs in elections 2 May 2003 Election: e-voting cock-up, Bill Gates and Pacman elected 1 May 2003 Labour councillor's election punch not as effective as John Prescott's 30 Apr 2003 Local elections promise to be most exciting thing since last local elections 28 Apr 2003
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2001-2006 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Sheep |