News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Iain Duncan Smith
DeadBrain: Daily news satire, spoof, parody and humour
  You are hovering over: Home > News26th April 
News in Depth
After Saddam

Iraq war was over a sex toy, says Vatican
According to a highly placed informant within the Roman Catholic Church, the recent war against Iraq was not waged because of its alleged possession of weapons of mass destruction. "What they were really looking for," the source told DeadBrain, "were the Wet Buns of Nasty Suction."

US intelligence officials believe that the legendary sexual device, considered irretrievably lost after an orgy at the 1968 Cannes Film Festival, eventually resurfaced in Baghdad as early as 1982. Conservative religious groups, led by the Catholic Church, want to see the Buns destroyed. Such groups contributed significantly to George W. Bush's 2000 presidential campaign, and greatly prefer violence to sex in human affairs.

The Vatican source stated that, due to Pope John Paul II's advanced age, the media misunderstood his slurred speech when referring to the Buns, and the Bush Administration was only too happy to let that misunderstanding continue. "You think the US Congress would approve billion in war funding just to find a sex toy?" said a former resident of the oval office. "Not likely. They wouldn't for me anyway."

Not everyone believes that the Buns do, in fact, exist. As such, the legend of the Buns has taken on an almost mythical proportion; comparable, perhaps, to the search for the Jewish Ark of the Covenant or a scrupulous bone in a French diplomat's body. Scholars claim that the Buns were renowned for their ability to satisfy even the most jaded sexual appetites and, as such, were hoarded by royalty. A DeadBrain source in Buckingham Palace has it on good authority that "the Queen Mother herself bore, on the back of her upper thigh, the initiatory tattoo of the privileged few who'd sampled the Buns' pleasures."

On the ground in Iraq, Wet Buns inspector Doug Gregory summed up the difficulties of the present search: "All I know is, if the Iraqis thought they had to protect the Buns by surrounding them with tons of anthrax and VX nerve gas, it must be one hell of a sex toy."

Related articles
Baghdad cat gets stuck up tree
Democrats propose "cap and trade" scheme for Iraq troop levels
BREAKING NOOSE: Saddam execution - special 40-page colour souvenir only in today's Sun!
Iraq war suffers summer slump as ratings 'bomb'
Al-Zarqawi killed by blast injuries - shock
Suicide attacks in Iraq kill 37 – population critical
Prince Harry Potter will go to Iraq: MoD
Saddam Hussein re-instated as President of Iraq
Typo ends British army presence in Iraq
Iraq wakes up to new 'Sunni Delight' drink
US Marines surround Bethnal Green
US to search for WMDs in Iraq
Abuse tolerance zones planned for British soldiers
Al-Zarqawi "kicked" from Iraqi militant website
Hoon asks Iraqis not to shoot back
Comical Ali implicated in Allawi speech
Exclusive: Tape casts doubt on Bush's "no torture" claims
Bush declassifies personal shopping list, proves did not order torture
MoD considers adequate equipment supply for British troops
New Iraq puppet government: Sooty in charge
UK troop deployment not related to election; Pope's religion questioned
Plans for new Bush statue to replace Saddam ruin in Baghdad
Secret US plan to turn Iraq over to Halliburton uncovered
Saddam Hussein promises Iraq truce in return for release
Pentagon hires Comical Ali to head Iraq PR
US to withdraw from Iraq, start again
One week on: Top 10 options for Saddam
Bush hails downfall of Sauron, asks for UN aid for Mordor reconstruction
Bush: Ever noticed how all evil people have beards?
Tony Blair's reaction to Saddam Hussein's capture
Coalition: Saddam captured, will never buy weapons from us again
Bush, Rumsfeld in Halloween video campaign for Iraqi war effort
Bush appeals directly to Europeans for Iraq aid
Bush upset over Nobel Peace Prize, promises "decisive action"
Guantanamo Bay interpreters suspected of Comical Ali influence
White House sacks Bush speechwriters after poor UN performance
Branson considering Iraq bid
In Brief: Leaders find common ground in Iraq talks
Cheney look-alike blames Saddam Hussein™ for everything
US seeks alternative financing for its occupation of Iraq
US finds planes, battleships, soldiers buried in Iraqi desert
Bush and officials to take turns accepting blame for bogus uranium claim
Comical Ali: Blair's son is dead
Liberation of Iraq to be re-enacted for Crimewatch
Comical Ali: Saddam's sons are not dead
Blair's forged Iraq documents may have been forged forgeries
Satire site found guilty of fabricating war report
Pentagon: OK, so maybe the Iraqis had a cloaking device
Parliament approves hunting for WMD with hounds
Saddam Hussein™ offers $10 million reward for Cheney
MPs clear BBC in Iraq dossier row
U.S. prepares ground for more liberations
Saddam Hussein to feature in next Harry Potter novel
Bush and Rumsfeld in card game spat
Rumsfeld outraged at Satirists' Guild, threatens "forceful action"
Satirists Guild calls for halt on WMD stories
New fabricated intelligence dossier proves everything
Greenstock appointed to Iraq post; rest of world couldn't care less

Have you seen this?

Copyright ©2001-2006 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently.Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Sheep