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Iraq portable toilet "probably weapons lab"
8 May 2003
A portable toilet found in northern Iraq was "probably" used as a factory for manufacturing weapons of mass destruction, producing hate propaganda and designing fake moustaches for Saddam Hussein's doubles, a Pentagon spokesman has said. The announcement came after tests were completed on several discarded shopping trolleys, which had "probably" been used for transporting nuclear warheads around Basra, and it was found that they were indeed "probably" used for transporting nuclear warheads around Basra – confirming the Pentagon's suspicions.
"US and UK technical experts have concluded that the toilet does not appear to perform any function beyond what the defector said it was for, which was the production of biological agents," said an army source. "This could have been very dangerous indeed in the wrong hands."
Further finds have included a small camel which was spotted "galloping wildly away" from US marines in central Iraq and was later found to be carrying "a satchel full of something that is probably anthrax"; a slightly damaged water cooler in a Baghdad office which "probably" contained the lethal nerve agent sarin; and an Iraqi boy who had "probably" been trained as a suicide bomber and plane hijacker and who has now been detained for questioning.
Pentagon intelligence chief Steve Cambone said that the finds were significant. "I attach huge significance to these finds," he told a press conference today. "They are very important. And significant. And not fake. OK?"
British army sources agreed that finding the Portaloo was a major discovery. "I've never seen anything like it in all my life as a British soldier," said one man, stationed in Basra. "Although since I'm in the British army I don't expect to see real toilets when we're out on a mission – we're all used to digging holes in the ground."
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