| | Bush orders UK leadership "shake-up"
13 May 2003 by Jonathan Williams
White House spokesman Ari Fleischer today announced the imminence of "major changes" in the upper echelons of the British government "in order to give a better deal to the British people."
Tony Blair is widely tipped to be removed from the post of Prime Minister for bringing relations between Britons and the mother country to new lows over the US mainland's decision to invade Iraq. Although a popular choice with the State Department, Blair has failed to appease the more hawkish elements in the US administration with his "soft stance" on evil.
Speculation over his replacement is rife, but many close to the Defence Department have suggested that it may be time for Britain to be governed by someone more recognisably American. A recent report issued by a think-tank linked to Vice-President Dick Cheney argues that recent history shows that a tougher stance is needed for the colony. According to the report, the installation of "strong-willed" Margaret Thatcher in 1979 allowed the UK to feel it had a greater degree of autonomy but crucially maintained Washington policy, an effect maintained under her puppet successor. However, Blair, appointed during the Clinton years, has been seen as more ambiguous in direction.
Key adviser Richard Perle has been a strong advocate of a tough stance. It is hinted that retired US general Jay Garner may go on to govern the UK if he proves himself in Iraq, and that changes in the structure may be in the pipeline. Leaked documents circulating at the highest levels of government have mentioned the title "Viceroy" alongside efforts to appeal to the UK's monarchical past.
His worthiness, High Emperor George W Bush (peace and glory be upon him), was unavailable for comment on the matter, only repeating his determination to be tough on evil in all of its accursed forms.
Look at this, moron.
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