| | Blairs to move into Buckingham Palace
16 May 2003 by Malcolm Drury
Stung by coming first in the list of worst Britons, Tony Blair today announced a major shake-up to improve his image. Central to his new PR strategy is a proposal to move with his family into Buckingham Palace. "Let's face it", he said, "Downing Street is a bit off the beaten track and people don't really get a chance to see me, what with the security and all. Buckingham Palace is in a much more open spot, and people are well accustomed to gathering there - and there's a really nice balcony at the front of the Palace that I could use."
He went on to add, "10 Downing Street is a bit of an embarrassment anyway. I mean, George Bush has the White House, Jacques Chirac has the Elysée Palace, but what does the President, I mean Prime Minister, of Britain have - not much more than a two up, two down terrace house in a bloody back alley."
Questioned as to whether or not he had discussed this proposal with the Queen he answered, "Not yet, but Her Majesty has a terrific sense of public duty so I'm sure she'll agree. Besides, we'll only be needing about twenty rooms, and there's heaps of space at the Palace. And if there's any conflict with her garden parties she could always use Windsor Castle, or maybe rent Kew Gardens."
Asked to explain this latter statement, Mr. Blair said, "Well, we'd be looking at installing a heliport in the Palace's garden. At the moment visiting heads of state have to drive in from Heathrow or Gatwick, and it's a bloody nuisance for them. I mean, first they have to fork over five quid before they can even get into London, and then there's the parking problem. The last time Chirac was here he had to keep popping out every half an hour to feed the parking meter. With a heliport we could get them in and out a lot more conveniently."
When asked about this proposal a Palace spokesman said only that Her Majesty was "not amused".
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