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Eurotrash

EU condemns UK "scaremongering" over constitution
Valery Giscard d'Estaing, the man charged with forging a closer common identity among the diverse states which make up the UK, last night said it was "nonsense" to claim that the UK would become some kind of undemocratic super-state.

In a desperate bid to stall criticism of his multi-billion euro project he said: "Some people are saying the proposed UK would not be publicly accountable. As the recent war in Iraq shows, this fear is patently absurd. It is also ridiculous to say that the UK would have an independent defence and foreign policy, as the, er, recent war in Iraq shows."

However, critics of the plan point to the great success of the democratic institutions which are used by all members of the UK's different nations with great enthusiasm. Said a Welsh person: "Yes we voted with great enthusiasm for a Welsh assembly. And it also has great independent economic and political power." An Ulster Unionist last night went to great lengths to explain why the Northern Ireland democratic institutions do not require republicans; while a republican was happy to reciprocate.

Meanwhile, local councils reached a peak of popularity with this month's elections, when the people, so delighted with their performance, voted the councils massive increases in council tax. Compared with these, the record of the fledgling democratic "Westminster" parliament begins to look poor – there has been a complete failure to vote on anything important except MPs' own pay rises since 1997. Indeed, claim EU officials, the government has repeatedly denied the people of the UK votes on matters as diverse as the euro and, er, war in Iraq.

Commentators now question whether we do in fact need an independent UK, but EU officials claim that "The British and Northern Irish peoples need a strong government capable of taking tough decisions; clearly only a national government directly elected by the people can deliver that."

"Do we really need yet another layer of bureaucracy and officialdom when the people in Brussels do a good enough job as it is?" argued Douglas Ramsbottom in the Guardian. "An independent UK could never and should never work, and nobody would want it to even if it had the chance. I don't know what Giscard is thinking of."

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