| | Levels of sympathy in Downing Street may be reaching new lows
23 May 2003 by Jonathan Williams
According to an unnamed source in Downing Street, Tony Blair's reserves of thoughts may be at critically low levels. The recent crisis was brought on by terrorist outrages in Saudi Arabia and Morocco. Downing Street advisors immediately dispatched Blair's thoughts to the friends and loved ones of the victims of the Riyadh attacks, apparently ignoring guidelines requiring a minimum level of thoughts to be allocated to Blair's basic functions. It is known that Blair's thoughts also went out to those involved in the Casablanca attacks, but the details – and how they relate to the suspected shortfall – are not clear.
It is thought that around 60% of Blair's thoughts were being exported last month at the rate of around 0.5% per person affected by tragedy, a figure set by EU agreement last December. Leaked documents reveal that recent events may have pushed that figure up "significantly". According to sympathy specialists, this means either that Blair is not devoting the required amount of thought to each victim or that he might be allocating so many thoughts to others that he may have difficulty walking.
However, there are alternatives. Pressure groups have urged Blair to send out more prayers instead. An option open to Christian premiers like Blair and Bush, prayers can be used as a substitute for thoughts. Using this method, although Mr Blair's thoughts do not go out to the friends and loved ones of the victims, he spends a certain amount of the day thinking about them in his prayers. However, concerns over the erosion of Blair's working day have led to calls for teams of full-time staff to be employed by central government to care about world events, freeing up time for the Prime Minister to concentrate on more essential humanitarian tasks like wars.
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