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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Ann Widdecombe |
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| You are puzzled to find: Home > News | 11th February |
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| "Pop star pollution" hits Arizona desert 25 May 2003 by Jonathan Williams Adding a further dimension to already confused international relations, a row has blown up between the UK and the US state of Arizona over what analysts are calling "pop star pollution". According to a report released this week, vast tracts of desert and scrubland are "full" of pining pop stars like Emma Bunton and Darius. "There are two major problems," commented State Ranger Al McFarlane. "Firstly there's the noise and sound pollution. This area is a national park, and when people visit they don't want to be confronted with scantily clad girls caterwauling. Just one on their own would be an interesting comment on loneliness and would make a pleasing backdrop to their life. The difficulty is that there are so many of these pop stars that they are beginning to bunch, undermining their essential point." "The second difficulty is with safety. A lot of these people just don't seem to want to leave, and this is a dangerous area. A lot of people need to remember the lesson of Shania Twain." Shania Twain perished in harsh desert four years ago after spending weeks waiting for a lift "impressive" enough to save her. "That was a real tough one for the boys," comments McFarlane. "One of the would-be rescuers was one of those guys who likes to shine his machine, but we thought this would be good enough for Shania. It didn't impress her much, fine, but now she's dead." Other problems associated with "pop star pollution" can have less direct but far-reaching effects. International development think-tanks are warning specifically of the dangers involved when stars like Craig David and Jennifer Lopez appear in deprived Latin-American communities. "Sure, they want to be at ease with the locals and these people are street, happening people, so it makes sense that they should be at ease with the world's poorest," comments a spokesman from ActionWorldwideNow, "But they are so rich that when they appear in these areas they often triple the income per capita, disqualifying towns from much-needed World Bank assistance." But back in Arizona, Rangers accuse UK stars such as Darius, Emma Bunton, Mel C and Geri Halliwell of being flippant about real and deadly risks. McFarlane offers this warning: "Hanging around in this heat you need serious equipment, maybe GPS, and a lot of water. Just a guitar and a mournful expression won't do." A spokesman for the RIAA said that artists could go "where the hell they like" and that anyone who tries to stop them will "get their ass sued".
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