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Pentagon unveils new war tactic – destroy own weapons before start
29 May 2003
The U.S. Defence Secretary, Donald Rumsfeld, today unveiled the results of months of hard work by military analysts: an exciting new tactic for waging war. "Learning from the expert military planning of Saddam Hussein's Iraq was a daunting task for a nation so unfamiliar with starting wars as ourselves," explained Mr Rumsfeld, "but our boys and girls at the Pentagon undertook it with relish and today I can present you with the results."
"You see, in the 21st century it's not good enough just to have terrible weapons and then use them on your enemy, because that is exactly what they expect you to do," Mr Rumsfeld continued. "No, it's better to destroy all of your weapons before the start of the war and then ‘lose' without much of a struggle. Then your enemy is left wondering what happened to those weapons and will spend a considerable amount of time looking for them – some people may even start to wonder if you had any weapons in the first place."
"And then comes the really exciting part: a counter-attack so brilliant and so overwhelming that your enemy won't know what's hit them," Mr Rumsfeld added enthusiastically. "Only in the case of Iraq it's so clever and unexpected that we haven't actually worked out what it is yet."
It is not yet clear whether Mr Rumsfeld intends to use this tactic in the next war the United States engages in, but a source close to President Bush commented that it would "do wonders" for the arms industry and the economy as a whole.
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