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Iraq dossier made "sexier" by government, full of explicit language
29 May 2003
The government's intelligence dossier on Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction was rewritten to make it "sexier", the BBC reported today. According to their intelligence source, who is thought to be one of the ladies who serve tea in the BBC canteen, the dossier was "transformed" on the instructions of Downing Street.
Doubts had been raised about the document's accuracy when it was published in September, especially after part of it was revealed to have come from a PhD student's thesis, but concerns are now even greater. "I have to admit I was a bit sceptical at the time," intelligence expert Douglas Ramsbottom told DeadBrain. "But looking back at it now, it does seem to have been made much more sexy."
Mr Ramsbottom pointed to the inclusion of words and phrases like "sex", "mega orgy" and "farmyard animals" in almost every paragraph. Whole sections of the document were so sexually explicit that they cannot be reproduced here. "This is not the typical language of an intelligence dossier," he explained. "If it was I'd be a very happy man."
This, of course, is not the first time that sex has been brought into the debate on the causes of war. Earlier this month DeadBrain reported claims that the whole conflict had been caused by a sex toy.
Responding to the allegations, Armed Farces Minister Adam Ingram denied that sex had been involved in the preparations for war in any way. "The words you refer to were included as direct quotes from chatter picked up by our monitoring stations. From this we can deduce that certain members of the Iraqi security services had rather perverted sexual fantasies. The government had absolutely nothing to do with it," he insisted with some embarrassment. "We all know that Robin Cook resigned before things really got going, anyway."
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