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Exclusive: Blix to seek Words of Massive Deception in Blair's speeches
4 June 2003 by Malcolm Drury
A highly-placed Downing Street source, the tea lady at number 10, has informed DeadBrain that Hans Blix is to head a team looking for Words of Massive Deception. The former head of the UN inspections team that unsuccessfully sought weapons of mass destruction in Iraq is to look through speeches by Prime Minister Tony Blair to justify attacking Iraq with his bestest pal, US President "Boy" George W. Bush.
"Oh, yes, dear, it's quite true," said the source when challenged by our intrepid reporter, "Mr. Blix was round to tea yesterday afternoon. I've never seen anyone eat so many choccy biscuits".
Mr. Blix later confirmed to DeadBrain that he would indeed be heading an inspections team and that he has already begun to put it together. Clare Short and Robin Cook are to be members, as well as alleged Tory leader Iain "Duncan" Smith. "We hope to be able to move into number 10 by next week," he said, "once we are certain that our personal safety can be assured, and that we will have free rein. I don't want to be bothered by 'minders', as I was in Iraq."
Asked what the team would be looking for, Mr. Blix replied: "Any evidence of intelligence material being cooked, exaggerated or simply invented. At this point I simply do not know if we will find words of massive deception. It may be that they once existed but have now been erased with white-out."
Asked to comment, Downing Street spokesman and spin-doctor Douglas Ramsbottom said: "We welcome this inspection. We do not have words of massive deception, and we have never had them. And if Short and Cook think this is a means for weaselling their way back into number 10, they can think again."
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