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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Tony Blair |
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| You are passing rapidly through: Home > News | 18th March |
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 Rumsfeld's diaries recaptured from rogue satire site 7 Jun 2003 by Allen Voivod In a daring pre-dawn strike, an unidentified Special Forces unit stormed the DeadBrain offices yesterday, confining one staff member to a supply closet while they searched for and eventually retrieved all the diaries of US Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. Editor-in-Chief Gregory T. Mullet, snoozing fitfully on the office couch, was awakened by the sounds of breaking glass and dozens of heavy bootsteps hammering up the stairs. "I thought it was just my head," Mullet said, "until they busted down the door." Mullet confessed to having had one too many pints at the Aardvark and Kazoo that night. Mullet reported that two of the commandos "dragged me bodily off the couch and tossed me into the closet. One of them said, 'Don't come out until we've gone, or we'll gut you like an Iraqi democracy.' Then they slammed the door on me." "Then I heard them shouting in a very clumsy language – maybe Polish. I heard furniture being moved around, and then a loud, sharp explosion and I figured they'd found the safe where we'd been keeping the diaries. That was the only thing they could have been after – except for the proof we had of Saddam's WMD program, but they don't seem too interested in that nowadays." Finally, after ten minutes of silence, Mullet emerged from the closet. The office had been tidied up quite nicely by the commandos, who'd even managed to dust around the skirting boards. But there was a hole in the wall where the safe had been, and the diaries were gone. In a related story, Rumsfeld's diminutive Spanish valet Humberto has been demoted to milking cows on Rumsfeld's farm in upstate New York. A series on the Rumsfeld Dairies will not be forthcoming. Related articles Rumsfeld's diaries recaptured from rogue satire site 7 Jun 2003 The Rumsfeld Diaries Finale - Hussein and Rumsfeld Reunited 2 Jun 2003 The Rumsfeld Diaries, Part Thirteen - The Rescue 1 June 2003 The Rumsfeld Diaries, Part Twelve - Full Circle 31 May 2003 The Rumsfeld Diaries, Part Eleven - Between a Rock and a Hard Place 30 May 2003 The Rumsfeld Diaries, Part Ten - Trouble, Trouble, and Still More Trouble 29 May 2003 The Rumsfeld Diaries, Part Nine - Dark times 28 May 2003 The Rumsfeld Diaries, Part Eight - The Break-up 27 May 2003 The Rumsfeld Diaries, Part Seven - How do you solve a problem like Israel? 26 May 2003 The Rumsfeld Diaries, Part Six - Happy Birthday, Mr. Rumsfeld 25 May 2003 The Rumsfeld Diaries, Part Five - Absence makes the heart grow fonder 24 May 2003 The Rumsfeld Diaries, Part Four - The First Date 23 May 2003 The Rumsfeld Diaries, Part Three - Waiting and Wondering 22 May 2003 The Rumsfeld Diaries, Part Two - The Beginning 21 May 2003 The Rumsfeld Diaries, Part One - Overview 20 May 2003 DeadBrain acquires Rumsfeld's private diaries 19 May 2003
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