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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Hans Blix |
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| You accidentally discovered: Home > News | 11th February |
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 Euro Analysis: What effect will it have on women's breasts? 9 Jun 2003 By Douglas Ramsbottom-Woohoo, stereotypical Daily Sport columnist Today, Gordon Brown will announce whether Britain has passed his five so-called economic tests for joining the single currency, but the real question on everybody's lips is: what effect would joining the euro have on women's breasts? The answer is uncertain. No significant research has been carried out by experts on breasts into the effect of long-term euro exposure, but in a poll today we can exclusively reveal that the effect is not very much.
A further 2% of respondents turned out to be men, which scientists say could mean that the single currency has unknown effects on hormones and other sciency things, or that certain camp males need to go on a diet and get some sensible clothes. Finally, our reporter attempted to measure whether exposure to the single currency had an effect on breast size. After several failed fumblings with various pieces of scientific equipment and his own hands, he came to the conclusion that the euro may indeed lead to him being arrested so the research had to be suspended. Initial results suggest that any effect is negligible. So, what can we gather from our research? Well, so far as we can tell, the euro will not significantly alter women's breasts. It is therefore safe to introduce it into the UK under carefully controlled conditions and with extra hands-on research. The effects it will have on the economy are less clear and, quite frankly, less important, so we'll leave that up to another paper to look at. Related articles Revealed: 5 alternative tests for the euro 13 Jun 2003 In Brief: Government pledges standards improvement over euro test failure 10 Jun 2003 UK to renounce decimal currency, revert to £sd 9 Jun 2003 Euro Analysis: What effect will it have on women's breasts? 9 Jun 2003 Euro Analysis: Why the euro will be the best thing since sliced baguettes 9 Jun 2003 Euro Analysis: Why the euro will mean the end of civilisation as we know it 9 Jun 2003
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