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|You smell better than: Home > News||20th May|
Iraqi WMD found, Bush and Blair vindicated
11 Jun 2003 by Malcolm Drury
Pentagon spokesman Elmer K. Ramsbottom III announced today that US troops in Iraq have finally found what they have been looking for since the fall of the country - weapons of mass destruction, or WMD.
"We have found WMD that we did not previously suspect Iraq of having," he told a hastily convened press conference. "It turns out that they had developed and deployed Catastrophic Air-burst Mine Earth Levellers, or CAMELs, and blended them so well into the landscape that we just didn't notice them until now."
Asked by our fearless reporter for details of these weapons Mr. Ramsbottom III was evasive, citing security concerns. However, he did suggest that the CAMELs are highly manoeuvrable weapons that can be deployed rapidly and easily, generally in less than 45 minutes, and can operate for extended periods in basically autonomous mode without need for refuelling.
DeadBrain's professional pundit, Professor Douglas Ramsbottom of the University of Bootle, told our reporter that based on what he could glean it is likely that these CAMELs are some kind of robotic device. "It's quite possible that what we are seeing is an entirely new class of weapon," he said, "perhaps designed and conceived specifically for desert operations - ships of the desert, you might say."
This finding finally provides the much-needed support to the claims made by both US President "Boy" George W. Bush and his ally, British Prime Minister Tony Blair, that the regime of Saddam Hussein™ did indeed have WMD.
White House spokeswoman Mildred K. Ramsbottom told reporters: "The President is relieved that he can now put the doubting Thomases behind him and move on to more pressing issues, like where to go for his summer holiday."
Upon learning the good news Tony Blair is believed to have leapt into the air, shook his fist and shouted "In your face, Short!"
Army officials are now planning a CAMEL decommissioning process, to be completed sometime after the public have lost interest, if at all.
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