| ||Emperor Blair denies that constitutional changes have gone too far
18 Jun 2003 by Flash Gorman
His Exalted Majesty Of All He Surveys And Then Some, Emperor Blair, today issued a proclamation condemning criticism of last week's constitutional changes. Speaking from the building formerly known as Parliament, Emperor Tony explained that the amendments he had made to the constitution were little more than "fine tuning".
Addressing his subjects with the authority befitting someone now in direct control of the Armed Forces, Our Glorious Leader said that changes were required in order for Britain to fulfil its destiny as a modern European democracy - particularly a modern European democracy with a self-appointed dictator.
He also pointed out that any further criticism of the process could result in "people's heads being cut off and rammed onto spikes". The statement was given added gravitas from being made next to the decapitated remains of former Ministers Claire Short and Robin Cook.
Flanked by the Supreme Dictator For Life of The Northern Lands, John Prescott, and Frankly An Irritating Twat, Alistair Campbell, The Emperor also outlined details of a shake-up to the Bank Holiday system. Henceforth these will be known as Tony Days and will increase in number to include the Emperor's birthday and wedding anniversary. Additional Tony Days may be added at the Emperor's discretion "depending on the mood I'm in at the time".
The emperor's speech was followed by a vote of confidence from the alleged Conservative leader, Iain "Duncan" Smith. Mr Duncan Smith went to great lengths to voice his praise for the Emperor and, indeed, had taken the trouble to have prepared the whole of his speech on several sheets of A4 which were handed to him by Mr Campbell. Onlookers felt, however, that Mr Duncan Smith's presentation was somewhat undermined by his dishevelled appearance and black eye. He also read in what can only be a hesitant style and kept anxiously glancing at Mr Prescott who continuously cracked his knuckles in a therapeutic manner as he spoke.
Simon says look at this...