News Satire Spoof Parody Humour Hans Blix
DeadBrain: Daily news satire, spoof, parody and humour
  You accidentally discovered: Home > News28th April 
News in Depth
Battle for Survival

Trisha helps IDS in Conservative Party makeover
Bemused students and "jobseekers" everywhere watched as the latest phase in the Conservative Party makeover hit television screens this morning. Desperate for publicity, the Conservative "leader", Iain Duncan "Donuts" Smith, this morning made a spectacular guest appearance on ever-popular TV talk show "Trisha".

This morning's show, titled "I'm a DUD - make me a STUD!" saw guests receiving a free makeover from a team of "image experts."

Grinning innocuously over the subtitle "DUD", IDS agreed to a makeover "to reflect the ever changing face of British Conservatism". Even as he left the stage with Trisha's "fashion Guru", the audience leapt on the chance for political debate, asking such questions as: "Who was that man?" (Claire, 42, of Ely) and "What's a Tory?" (Winnona, 7, of Norwich).

"The audience knew right away that Iain had been a 'DUD'," Trisha explained later, "Mainly due to his lack of visible tattoos and failure to sport a 'goatee' beard. On my show that just isn't normal."

Emerging twenty minutes later, to the subtitle 'STUD', IDS professed to feeling "great" about his new look.

"Well - the first thing we had to do was lose that grey suit," explained chat-show fashion "guru" Ramone, "Which, as you see, we replaced with those darling Khaki combat-shorts and this super-chic Hawaiian shirt. The shirt's tucked in to look more 'Pro-European', and - of course - to show off that gorgeous bronze Lion-head buckle on the belt.

"The sandals were Iain's idea to give it all a more traditional 'caring Conservative' look, but..."

"The socks are mine," interrupted Iain.

"The gold medallions," continued Ramone, pointing to some small hub-caps on Mr Donut's chest, "and the chains, rings, earrings: they were to appeal to the whole 'bling-bling' hip-hop, youth-culture thing, y'know?

"And as for the wig... well, you know, baldness has been cool, like, never. So, we got this wig for him and chopped it up a bit, like David Beckham and - Hey Presto - look what you get!

"Altogether, I think it works."

Political analyst Donald P Ramsbottom was also optimistic, though his cousin, novelist Douglas H H Ramsbottom - getting entirely the wrong end of the stick - strongly opposed the move, mourning:

"It's the tinkers I feel sorry for - but no-one thinks about the tinkers."

Iain Duncan "Stud" is expected to premiere his new look in Parliament tomorrow.

Related articles
DeadBrain obtains discarded IDS political "thriller"
Conservatives replace balding, unelectable leader with balding, unelectable leader
Trick or treat with Michael Howard
Howard to stand as Tory leader after all
Entire Conservative Party rules itself out of leadership contest
Satirists mourn loss of Duncan Smith as Tory leader, figure of fun
In Brief: Tory leadership crisis - excitement mounts
Duncan Smith demands dry cleaning be returned by Wednesday
Duncan Smith victim of Conservative-Labour bidding war
Tory leader to give birth, have heart scare, go into space
Tory leader "has office", to be investigated
WHO moves to contain IDS outbreak in Blackpool
Newsreaders hospitalised after Duncan Smith promise
Tory leader calls for Kelly inquiry to be produced in cartoon form
Conservative leader to join Big Brother house
Trisha helps IDS in Conservative Party makeover
Conservative leader resigned several months ago
Tory "leader" demands right to lifelong non-anonymity
IDS "bad for health" claims report
IDS gets giggles while proclaiming confidence that Tories will win at next election
IDS - "a real threat to government"
New Tory information minister hails election victory
Tories deny open warfare; call in weapons inspectors
"Spoons save Tories", claim spin-doctors

How cool is this?

Copyright ©2001-2006 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently.Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Sheep