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| You are lounging next to: Home > News | 6th September |
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 Trisha helps IDS in Conservative Party makeover 19 Jun 2003 by Brad "Elvis" Stone Bemused students and "jobseekers" everywhere watched as the latest phase in the Conservative Party makeover hit television screens this morning. Desperate for publicity, the Conservative "leader", Iain Duncan "Donuts" Smith, this morning made a spectacular guest appearance on ever-popular TV talk show "Trisha". This morning's show, titled "I'm a DUD - make me a STUD!" saw guests receiving a free makeover from a team of "image experts." Grinning innocuously over the subtitle "DUD", IDS agreed to a makeover "to reflect the ever changing face of British Conservatism". Even as he left the stage with Trisha's "fashion Guru", the audience leapt on the chance for political debate, asking such questions as: "Who was that man?" (Claire, 42, of Ely) and "What's a Tory?" (Winnona, 7, of Norwich). "The audience knew right away that Iain had been a 'DUD'," Trisha explained later, "Mainly due to his lack of visible tattoos and failure to sport a 'goatee' beard. On my show that just isn't normal." Emerging twenty minutes later, to the subtitle 'STUD', IDS professed to feeling "great" about his new look. "Well - the first thing we had to do was lose that grey suit," explained chat-show fashion "guru" Ramone, "Which, as you see, we replaced with those darling Khaki combat-shorts and this super-chic Hawaiian shirt. The shirt's tucked in to look more 'Pro-European', and - of course - to show off that gorgeous bronze Lion-head buckle on the belt. "The sandals were Iain's idea to give it all a more traditional 'caring Conservative' look, but..." "The socks are mine," interrupted Iain. "The gold medallions," continued Ramone, pointing to some small hub-caps on Mr Donut's chest, "and the chains, rings, earrings: they were to appeal to the whole 'bling-bling' hip-hop, youth-culture thing, y'know? "And as for the wig... well, you know, baldness has been cool, like, never. So, we got this wig for him and chopped it up a bit, like David Beckham and - Hey Presto - look what you get! "Altogether, I think it works." Political analyst Donald P Ramsbottom was also optimistic, though his cousin, novelist Douglas H H Ramsbottom - getting entirely the wrong end of the stick - strongly opposed the move, mourning: "It's the tinkers I feel sorry for - but no-one thinks about the tinkers." Iain Duncan "Stud" is expected to premiere his new look in Parliament tomorrow. Related articles DeadBrain obtains discarded IDS political "thriller" 7 Nov 2003 Conservatives replace balding, unelectable leader with balding, unelectable leader 6 Nov 2003 Trick or treat with Michael Howard 31 Oct 2003 Howard to stand as Tory leader after all 30 Oct 2003 16:14 Entire Conservative Party rules itself out of leadership contest 29 Oct 2003 23:55 Satirists mourn loss of Duncan Smith as Tory leader, figure of fun 29 Oct 2003 19:40 In Brief: Tory leadership crisis - excitement mounts 28 Oct 2003 Duncan Smith demands dry cleaning be returned by Wednesday 27 Oct 2003 Duncan Smith victim of Conservative-Labour bidding war 23 Oct 2003 Tory leader to give birth, have heart scare, go into space 20 Oct 2003 Tory leader "has office", to be investigated 12 Oct 2003 WHO moves to contain IDS outbreak in Blackpool 9 Oct 2003 Newsreaders hospitalised after Duncan Smith promise 6 Oct 2003 Tory leader calls for Kelly inquiry to be produced in cartoon form 22 Jul 2003 Conservative leader to join Big Brother house 9 Jul 2003 Trisha helps IDS in Conservative Party makeover 19 Jun 2003 Conservative leader resigned several months ago 31 May 2003 Tory "leader" demands right to lifelong non-anonymity 24 May 2003 IDS "bad for health" claims report 16 May 2003 IDS gets giggles while proclaiming confidence that Tories will win at next election 14 May 2003 IDS - "a real threat to government" 5 May 2003 New Tory information minister hails election victory 2 May 2003 Tories deny open warfare; call in weapons inspectors 24 Feb 2003 "Spoons save Tories", claim spin-doctors 22 Feb 2003
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