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After Saddam

New fabricated intelligence dossier proves everything
DeadBrain has exclusively acquired the full "sexed up" intelligence report, used by the government as the primary justification for attacking Iraq.

As well as accusing Saddam Hussein of developing biological and chemical weapons, the report alleges that he was developing "a great big ray gun, like on the Death Star in Star Wars, that can blow up anything".

The report also covers other crimes allegedly committed by Mr Hussein including: camel rustling, treason, cruelty to midgets, vagrancy and, most worryingly, interfering with goats. It concludes that Iraq "could invade Poland at a moment's notice".

Mr Hussein is not the only person indicted. Amazingly all leaders to have voiced opposition to American foreign policy have been exposed. King Fahd of Saudi Arabia is condemned for "dressing like a girl"; Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, supreme leader of Iran is wanted on several counts of "witchcraft" and "doubting the divinity of Christ"; and lastly, apparently added in blue biro, Robert Mugabe is denounced for "crimes against moustaches"

The spokesman for the Joint Intelligence Committee, Sir Douglas Ramsbottom, had the following to say when we confronted him with the report: "The intelligence services would not wipe their collective arse with this report, let alone take credit for it. This is clearly a total fabrication and a feeble one at that. If anyone believes a word of it they must be even more moronic than the human effluent who wrote it, and that's saying something."

Downing Street was unavailable for comment.

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