| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Saddam Hussein |
![]() |
| You have fallen into: Home > News | 11th February |
| British Wimbledon hopes soar as Fred Perry raised from the dead 24 Jun 2003 by Ian Vince The 67-year struggle for a British win at Wimbledon has been given an unexpected boost tonight as Fred Perry, three-times English champion and in his eighth year of death, called a press conference at the All-England Tennis Club to announce his return to the game. "The old magic is back," said the former star. "and I can't wait to get on Centre Court again." Perry spoke of his enormous affection for death, tennis and Wimbledon and drew a number of parallels between the two: "It's all very well being dead -actually it's a lot like tennis, but the players of today just made me spin in my grave, so it wasn't very restful down there." Though looking tired, the ex-champion was in fine form as he threw a beautiful forearm in a demonstration on an outside court. Senior Stewards rushed to reclaim the limb and the match continued without any further incident. A loophole in Wimbledon's rules means the old star will not have to play in veteran matches now that he is dead, leaving the way clear for a British bid to take the title once again. And that, according to British Coach Morris Marina, who claims to have called Perry back, is no bad thing. "Greg and Tim are on top form, of course and we hope they manage a bravura performance through the second round, but Greg's teeth are causing him problems and Tim gets to match point and then bursts into flames. It's a terrible waste of talent. We've spent about £30 in training on Tim alone this year, and half of that was for fire drills." Wimbledon officials confirmed last night that Perry was eligible to enter the main tournament. "The only problem I can see," said Championship Director Brian Sawdust, "is the proper and respectful treatment of the corpse. We usually put them in the umpire's chair."
|
![]()
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Copyright ©2001-2006 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Sheep |