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After Saddam

Saddam Hussein to feature in next Harry Potter novel
DeadBrain has learned that author J.K. Rowling is already hard at work on the next Harry Potter novel, to be titled "Harry Potter and the Axis of Evil". It will feature the boy wizard taking on failed dictator Saddam Hussein™, Osama bin Laden, and other key evil people.

The novel will apparently feature Mr. Saddam and others of the Axis, as well as the regular characters from the previous novels. While the plot is still under development, it is thought that a principle aspect will hinge on Mr. Saddam's attempt to hide out at Hogwarts using his professional conjuring experience, especially at making things disappear, to secure a teaching post there and bring in other evil persons as his assistants.

Harry Potter, realising the evil nature of Mr. Saddam and his entourage, attempts to expose them, with the final denouement taking place in a thrilling car chase featuring Harry in a flying Ford Anglia chasing Mr. Saddam and Mr. bin Laden on a 1980s-model flying carpet above the streets of Baghdad.

PR specialist Douglas Ramsbottom refused to confirm or deny a rumour that Mr. Saddam will be approached to play himself in the planned film version of the book. "We wouldn't be filming until mid-2005 at the earliest," he said, "so it's too early to begin negotiations. If he were interested, and still on the run, there would be a lot of legal difficulties to resolve, given that he is wanted by the Americans. I'm not sure he would be willing to film in Baghdad. And anyway, we don't know where he is. We would probably just go with Michael Caine or Sean Connery, if either were interested, or still alive."

DeadBrain asked US marine spokesman Lieut. Cletus K. Ramsbottom Jr. if it would be possible for a special dispensation to be accorded to Mr. Saddam allowing him immunity from prosecution by military authorities during filming.

"Sure thing, no problem," he replied. "Tell him to come see us in person and we'll issue him a pass right away."

Harry Potter and the Axis of Evil is not anticipated to be released until Christmas 2004, but it is expected to be the most ordered book in history. On-line retailer Amazon is reported to be planning a new 250,000 square feet complex in Bootle for the sole purpose of dealing with orders for the book, while the Pentagon has apparently placed an advance order for 1,000 copies in case it gives any clues as to Mr. Saddam's whereabouts.

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