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After Saddam

U.S. prepares ground for more liberations
The US administration has announced a move intended to ease the way for liberation of several further countries, as and if required, following its spectacular success in Iraq.

White House spokesperson Mildred K. Ramsbottom told a press conference that several countries have been declared ineligible to receive U.S. military assistance because they failed to meet the US deadline for exempting American citizens from prosecution before the war-crimes tribunal in the new International Criminal Court.

US President "Boy" George W. Bush nullified the 1998 agreement signed by former President Bill Clinton. "President Bush felt that this was an unacceptable encroachment on our sovereignty," she explained, "and he is a great believer in, and defender of, national sovereignty".

Included in the list of countries to be so punished are regional powers such as Lesotho, Malawi, Mali, Bulgaria, Lithuania, Malta, Serbia and Montenegro, Slovakia, Slovenia, Antigua and Barbuda, Barbados, Peru, St. Vincent and Grenadines, Trinidad and Tobago, Uruguay, Fiji, and Samoa.

US Secretary of Offence Donald Rumsfeld later told reporters that the action was being taken to protect US troops in the event of possible US military action.

"Look, we may need to liberate any one of those countries at any time," he said. "Who knows what they are harbouring - terrorists, Saddam Hussein™, Taliban - or what direct and immediate threat they might pose to the US. We know, from our intelligence services, that Trinidad and Tobago is harbouring al-Qaeda fugitives, we believe Osama bin Laden is in hiding in Lithuania, and we strongly suspect that Fiji is actively developing nuclear weapons."

"Given all that," he continued, "it seems inevitable that we will have to send US liberation forces in eventually, and we don't want them having to worry about being prosecuted for just doing their job."

Asked what being ineligible to receive military assistance means, Mr. Rumsfeld went on: "Just what it says. When these countries are threatened by some superpower, we won't be there to help them… oh, wait a minute, that would be us anyway, wouldn't it?"

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