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| You have been disturbed by: Home > News | 8th January |
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| Jordan F1 team to adopt "street car" technology 11 Jul 2003 by Flash Gorman Top formula one racing team Jordan has announced it is to start swimming against the current technological tide. Team boss and hardworking mechanic, Eddie Jordan, explained the situation at a news conference earlier today. "For many years now," drawled Jordan in his lilting Irish Brogue, "the policy has been to take innovations from F1 racing and apply it to ordinary streetcars. That's why things like single seats, carbon fibre chassis and V12 pneumatic engines are a common sight on family estates. "What we are talking about, however, is doing the reverse and taking some of the advances made in 'hot hatch' technology and putting them into our F1 car. People spend a fortune on modifying their cars and obviously they wouldn't be doing it if there were no performance gains. "After careful examination of the various modded street cars we decided that the most important factors were a loud stereo system, a loud exhaust and some 'cool' stickers," explained a clearly excited Eddie. "We have now fitted these items to our test car and have employed the services of a 'bangin' DJ to select some 'phat' tunes for the stereo system. Early tests have indicated that dry and wet weather conditions require different sorts of music so we may be looking at some sort of pit stop procedure where a team of DJs swap the decks to suit the conditions – obviously they would have to 'keep it real' at all times. "We are also looking at employing performance mods such as removing the air filter from the engine – though we will have to fit one first of course. We are also considering using alloy valve caps and a steering wheel the same size as a small shirt button. "We may be installing some 'bling, bling' in the car but will have to perform tests to see if it affects aerodynamic performance." Unfortunately the unveiling of the car was marred slightly when the test driver, Ralph Firman, was dragged from his car and beaten senseless. He was apparently on his fifth slow speed pass of the pit lane, with the turbo bass on full chat, when he was attacked by an angry mob who found the rhythmic sounds blasting out from his car extremely irritating.
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