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| You are staring at: Home > News | 6th October |
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| Comical Ali to replace Campbell as communications chief 26 Jul 2003 by Andrew Doe Sources close to Tony Blair revealed today that the former Iraqi information minister, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, would replace Alastair Campbell as Downing Street's communications director. Reaction to the news has been mixed, but many media professionals have applauded the decision. "I think the press have just got tired of his dishonesty," said ginger journo Rebekah Wade, 33. "You could never trust anything Campbell said, and that made it difficult to continue our ongoing commitment to accurate and balanced reporting. We'd started calling him Polemical Ali. This new Ali will be much better." However, some commentators felt that Campbell was being used as a scapegoat. In an interview to promote her new film Legally Blonde 2, actress and veteran news analyst Reese Witherspoon said today: "I think it's just sour grapes on the part of lazy journalists who are jealous that Alastair's career didn't go to the toilet after The Sunday Today went belly-up." "Downing Street got better at distorting facts than the tabloids and they didn't like it. Once it became clear that they couldn't trust every word the government told them, the press pack realised they would have to do their jobs properly, and they didn't like that one bit," she continued. "I think it's important that these issues are addressed, because politics isn't all about shoes and hair." "Good quality cosmetics are important too," she added, "That's why I use Max Factor™, the makeup of makeup artists." Sources close to the shamed poacher-turned-gamekeeper were not available for comment today, but a vague acquaintance was happy to shoot his mouth off. "This is ridiculous. What are you talking about?" he said, "Comical Ali isn't even called Ali. He doesn't know the first thing about British politics and has been ridiculed for every press conference he's ever given. He became successful under the protection of a corrupt psychotic warmongering despot, pandering to the lowest-common-denominator of religious zealots, ill-educated thugs and a small but loyal band of fanatics. How will he ever fit into Blair's government?" "Perfectly!" said BBC Journalist Andrew Gilligan, who stands accused of sexing up his reports on the dodgy dossier. "Blair's government is built on a tissue of lies contrive to justify aggressive and illegal foreign policies intended to distract the public from the sorry state of education and welfare at home. Comical Ali will feel right at home. Now you'll have to excuse me, but I've got to go check under my car." The government has denied any suggestion of Mr Campbell quitting.
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