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| You have been drawn towards: Home > News | 11th February |
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| Government again renews pledge to cut street crime 29 Jul 2003 by Malcolm Drury Shaken by the study of its Street Crime Initiative (SCI) by inspectors who have dismissed the initiative as a "missed opportunity", the government has once again renewed its pledge to get crime off the streets. The SCI was launched by Prime Minister Tony Blair in 2002, and although the report notes that it has had some successes, it also describes serious failures, principally in the provision of drug addiction services, fast-track prosecutions, and the universally disliked requirement that street crime offenders apprehended by the police wear a silly hat and sing ABBA songs in public for a day. "The latter is particularly disliked by the police," said Douglas Ramsbottom, spokesman for Home Secretary David Plunkett, "as it means they have to carry a supply of the silly hats. In busy areas of street crime they have to put up with hearing those ABBA songs pretty well constantly. And the public doesn't care for that, either." Hailing the SCI as groundbreaking, Sir Keith Povey, HM Chief Inspector of Constabulary, nevertheless went on to say that it is equally important to focus on preventing re-offending through the rehabilitation and resettlement of offenders. Puzzled by the concept of resettlement, our reporter contacted a reliable Home Office source, from whom he learned that officials for Mr. Plunkett have secretly been drawing up plans for a successor to the SCI, to be called the Street Crime Reduction and Abatement Measures (SCRAM). Speaking on strict condition of anonymity, the source told our reporter that SCRAM would contain a number of tough new measures to get crime off the streets by actually getting the criminals off the streets. One measure would deal with the failure rate regarding the SCI's target to give treatment to all drug-addicted street robbers within 24 hours of release from custody. In reality, the report notes, most offenders are given appointments two or three months after their release and up to 97% fail to turn up. "SCRAM will aim to get that ‘no-show' rate to a more acceptable 0% by not giving them the option," he said. Asked to explain, he pointed out that if the problem arises after release, then perhaps it was the release itself that was causing it. Related to that, the source continued, is the most controversial aspect of SCRAM: a proposal for a resettlement centre for persistent street offenders. It appears that the whole of the Isle of Wight could be set aside for this purpose, with the current inhabitants being moved to the mainland. "Except the street criminals there," added the source. "We would ask them to identify themselves and stay there voluntarily, to cut down on costs." "The Isle of Wight is just a possibility," he continued, "but we will have to decide soon as we understand the Americans have been pressuring the Prime Minister for its use for spill-over from their Guantanamo Bay centre, which is getting very crowded." When asked his opinion of the proposed SCRAM, street criminal Gregory "Basher" Mullett said "What's the Isle of Wight?" before relieving our reporter of his wallet and telling him to scram, or street words to that effect.
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