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| You have been drawn towards: Home > News | 4th February |
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| Judge jails entire Norfolk police force 30 Jul 2003 by stcrispin Citing the Rule in Tony Martin's case, a British law judge today ordered the imprisonment of the entire police force of Norfolk on the grounds that they are potentially dangerous to burglars. The legal action was brought by Brendan Fearon, the recently released burglar who was injured in the same shooting incident that resulted in Mr. Martin being sent to jail for manslaughter. Mr. Martin was denied a preparatory home visit prior to his release yesterday on the grounds that authorities believed he presented too great a threat to burglars and might commit another offence during his brief holiday from prison. In light of this precedent, Judge Douglas T. Ramsbottom felt that he had no choice but to grant Mr. Fearon the relief he requested and lock up Norfolk Constabulary. "I note that Mr. Fearon has 37 convictions for burglary," said Judge Ramsbottom in reading his decision from the bench. "He is obviously a career criminal whose experience is exceeded only by his ineptitude. He is further hampered by physical injuries suffered at the hands of Mr. Martin. Indeed we understand he is suing Mr. Martin because of these, which make it difficult for him to have sex, presumably with persons whose homes he burgles, and to practice martial arts, presumably on those homeowners who try to prevent his enjoyment of the prior activity." "Under these circumstances," he continued, "it is very difficult for the Court to see how he can be expected to ply his criminal trade if the police are left free to interfere; a limping, defenceless, sexually frustrated burglar being easy prey for the Old Bill. Accordingly, I am ordering the entire police force of this county be locked up until such a time that the Court shall be satisfied that it no longer presents any sort of threat to burglars." The Court thus rejected the police argument that they could not possibly be a threat to burglars, or else Mr. Martin would not have had to take the law into his own hands to defend his home from Mr. Fearon in the first place. Mr. Fearon was clearly pleased with the result when he spoke to our reporter outside the court. "Me 'n my mates, we never had a bloody chance to earn a living with the police always underfoot," he said. "Work'll be steady now, and I'll soon be paying me taxes like everybody else." Mr. Martin has begun writing a book on his experience, entitled "Burglars I've Bagged," and is reportedly relishing the greater sporting opportunities presented by a lawless Norfolk. Meanwhile, the Chief Constable and his fellow police officers are attempting to make the best of what may well be life sentences all round. "We are hoping to pick up a few useful trade skills from our fellow inmates," said one. "Maybe if we become skilled enough pickpockets they'll let us go free."
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