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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Boris Johnson |
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| You are just out of reach of: Home > News | 19th March |
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 Government pleased with new "unpowered" repatriation method 1 Aug 2003 by Flash Gorman The Home Office has pronounced itself "very happy" with yesterday's test run of its new Fast Track Repatriation program. Designed as a way of quickly removing unwanted asylum seekers, the program involves hurling undesirables from an aeroplane over Dover in the general direction of France. The first test of the new system took place this morning when an Austrian refugee from the Lederhosen wars was flung out at 30,000 feet with a parking chevron strapped to his back. To everyone's surprise he landed safely in Calais ten minutes later and pronounced the trip "not that bad really, apart from when I shat my pants initially". He added that it was certainly preferably to the Eurostar train he had initially entered Britain on, as "it felt much safer and there were a lot less delays". With a successful trial completed the Government is already herding asylum seekers to Dover aerodrome to begin the process en masse. Apparently, consultation with "the man on the street" has confirmed that this will reduce all of society's problems by at least 90 percent. We attempted to confirm these facts with Douglas Ramsbottom, a man on the street, but he merely said "What are you on about; I'm just waiting for a bus". The French government appears not to be so keen on the idea and is rumoured to be building a giant tennis racquet at Sarongette in order to swat the immigrants back over the channel. See also Union criticises first unpowered flight across Channel Related articles Government outlines new citizenship test 28 Jul 2003 Asylum seekers have brought NHS to its knees, says Daily Mail 28 May 2003 The DeadBrain Asylum Seeker Quiz 27 May 2003
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