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Hoon sends postcard to Dr Kelly's widow
5 Aug 2003 by Andy Heath
The Defence Secretary, Geoff "Buff" Hoon, has moved quickly to counter mounting criticism over his decision to take a holiday rather than attend the funeral of Dr David Kelly. Sources close to Mr Hoon have told DeadBrain that on the personal advice of Tony Blair he has sent a post card to Dr Kelly's widow to arrive on the day of the service.
Although no details have been released it is understood to contain assurances that the weather was good and that no stone would be left unturned in the search for the crabs that hide among the rock pools intimidating their neighbours with weapons of mass destruction. In his opinion a bigger net was required and he would provide the funds to obtain one as a matter of urgency.
Although suffering from a little sunburn he bravely had not allowed this to prevent him from having a paddle in the sea but no light was shed on the crucial question of when he would be in a position to finally lose the water wings. Hoon concluded his correspondence with a major departure from protocol by confiding in Dr Kelly's widow that he would bring two sticks of rock for her rather than the usual one. He just had to make the crucial decision between aniseed and traditional pink.
Although publicly remaining quiet on the issue, privately Tony Blair is seeing the swift action of the beleaguered Defence Secretary as a major PR coup and he is now hoping to put the whole matter behind him and concentrate on the really important matter of learning the chord progression for the Oasis song "Wonderwall".
Judith Chalmers, speaking on behalf of out-of-work TV presenters, is not convinced. "The Secretary of State has not answered any of the crucial questions. He has told us nothing about the accommodation, the nightlife, and if there is anything there for families on a budget," she said. "Once again all he has managed to do is raise more questions than he has answered."
This looks good...
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