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| You are hovering over: Home > News | 20th March |
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 Outrage over Brussels "straight railways" plan 10 Aug 2003 Eurosceptic newspapers were predictably outraged today after a member of the European Commission was overheard telling a friend in a café that it would be "a good idea" if Britain's railways "weren't so bendy". Loyola de Palacio, the Spanish Vice-President of the Commission, was quoted as saying that "the problem with Britain's railways at the moment is that they aren't straight enough. Maybe if they made them straighter the trains would be able to go faster." Tabloid hacks immediately got out their UK Independence Party-sponsored dictionaries and wrote excitable headlines about the EU planning to take over Britain's transport infrastructure. "With breathtaking arrogance, Eurocrats meeting in shadowy Brussels cafes are now plotting a whole-scale takeover of our railways," was the warning from the Mail on Sunday, complete with a feature on why a B-list celebrity thought it was a bad idea and analysis from the ever-reliable Professor Gregory T Mullet, formerly of the University of Bootle but now of the University of Hard Knocks. "Straightening Britain's railways will undoubtedly be a bad thing," he announced. "It may have worked for the Romans but it won't work for us. For a start, Britain is much more built-up than it was in Roman times. There are houses and roads and all sorts of things in the way. Having totally straight railways could be disastrous. It would be complete chaos!" However, Ms Palacio insists that her remarks have been misinterpreted. "We were discussing the hot weather and how Britain's railways had speed limits on them because the rails were bending. That's all!" she said. "There's really nothing to worry about." Despite this, journalists were unconvinced and left Ms Palacio's press conference writing tomorrow's headlines, which will include "Commissioner lies about transport takeover plan", "EU transport takeover still on the cards" and "EU commissioner in goat sex scandal". Related Articles Suicide bombers call for better working conditions 7 Aug 2003 SPECIAL REPORT: New EU constitution will mean end of life as we know it 27 May 2003 Eurovision: Resignations demanded over UK performance 25 May 2003 Eurovision: German entry proves country does have sense of humour 25 May 2003 EU condemns UK "scaremongering" over constitution 20 May 2003 EU to ban football chants 3 Jan 2003
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