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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Boris Johnson |
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| You have fallen into: Home > News | 11th February |
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 Viewing government web sites "bad for your health" 12 Aug 2003 Looking at government web sites could be bad for your health, a new survey has found. According to a poll conducted by market research outfit MORIORLESSI, six out of ten people interviewed said that they had experienced "severe anxiety" after looking at the Home Office web site; two out of ten admitted to panic attacks; and one in twenty said that it was better than any other cat food. "This is extremely worrying and not just a pointless scare story put in because there's nothing interesting in the news," assured chief pollster Gregory T Mullet. "There is a real risk that people accessing government web sites could leave with medical complaints. The government has to act now to stop this from happening before the consequences are fatal."
Dr Douglas Ramsbottom, who treated Sam at the local hospital, said he had had a lucky escape. "If he had been left undiscovered he could quite easily have slipped into a coma and could have suffered brain damage or worse," he said. "We are now helping him back to normal teenage strength with drugs, cigarettes, alcohol and video games. He should recover, but he has been lucky." Campaign groups are now pressing for health warnings similar to those shown on cigarette packets to be displayed on all government web sites. "This could prevent the literally tens of people that visit them every year from becoming ill," said professional tobacco lobbyist Douglas McCough. "You'd be surprised what effect the message ‘viewing this web site will kill your children' has." However, the government insists that there is no risk from visiting its web sites. "They are perfectly safe and contain useful and interesting information on all manner of subjects," said a Department of Health spokesman. "Or so I'm told. I never touch them myself." Related Articles Boy, 13, glues tractor to face 6 Aug 2003
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