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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · David Cameron |
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| You are slobbering over: Home > News | 5th July |
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Bush back at work, world safe once again 2 Sep 2003 by Malcolm Drury US President George "WMD" Bush has returned to work following an extended holiday at his Texas ranch. Dressed in full army combat gear the President parachuted from Air Force One into the White House grounds this morning. After disentangling himself from the tree in which he had landed, he declined to give a formal statement to waiting reporters, but merely waved and said he was looking forward to getting back to dealing with Osama Hussein, Saddam bin Laden, and "that other guy". Looking tanned and fit, Mr. Bush was met at the steps to the White House by Secretary of Offence Donald "Dr. Strangelove" Rumsfeld, with whom he had an animated conversation, which ended with Mr. Rumsfeld throwing his hands in the air, apparently in exasperation, and quickly walking away. Later, the White House issued a press release in which it was explained that the President and Secretary of Offence had merely been discussing the deteriorating political and security situation in Iraq and the ongoing failure by coalition forces to find weapons of mass destruction there. The President, said the statement, had made a couple of suggestions to Mr. Rumsfeld, who had gone off immediately to set them in motion after asking, "Why didn't I think of that?" The press release went on to assure the world that Mr. Bush would now be giving his full attention to solving the Israel-Palestine issue, eliminating global terrorism and poverty, fighting AIDS, and stabilising Iraq, thereby ensuring a safe world for all peace-loving people. Asked about Mr. Bush's earlier reference to that "other guy" an aide, speaking on condition of anonymity, told reporters that he was not sure who it might be. "Maybe the President just got a bit confused," he said. "After all, he's been out of the loop for several weeks. But we have every confidence he'll soon be back up to his usual level of understanding." In related news, US Vice President Dick "Head" Cheney remains missing. The last reported sighting, still unconfirmed, was in June, in Possum Springs, Virginia (DeadBrain, June 17). A hotline set up by West Virginia police hunting for a sniper has received several calls reporting a "wild man" in the heavily wooded mountains of the region. West Virginia State Police Chief Eugene K. Ramsbottom told reporters that the man's description matched that of Mr. Cheney in several respects. "We believe it may be the Vice President," he said, "and we fear that after several months alone in the woods he may have gone feral." Chief Ramsbottom indicated that a force of police armed with tasers had been dispatched to search for the wild man.
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