 |
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · David Cameron |
|
 |
|
| You have fallen over: Home > News | 11th February |
| |
|
Prince Charles welcomes results of GM survey 25 Sep 2003 by Malcolm Drury Prince Charles, a vocal opponent of genetically-modified (GM) crops has welcomed the findings of an extensive debate and opinion survey on the topic, DeadBrain has learned. The public debate, which included over 650 public meetings around the country, and about 37,000 people responses to questionnaires, found that an overwhelming percentage of people are suspicious of GM crops, with 54% saying they never want to see them grown in the UK. The official spokesperson for the British Royal Family, Queen Douglas of Bulgaria, told reporters that the Prince views the report as a vindication of his view that GM crops represent unacceptable tampering with nature, and that foods derived from them are likely to lead to premature baldness, fallen arches, monstrous carbuncles and poor architecture. Douglas Ramsbottom, press liaison officer for the pro-GM Agricultural Biotechnology Council, which has dismissed the report's findings, said "We have irrefutable proof, from our own scientists, that GM crops are perfectly safe. In fact some of us at the Council have been eating food made from them for several years now, just to show they are completely harmless." Blinking rapidly in the bright light and pausing to scratch a large green lump in the middle of his forehead, he said "So we believe that it is inappropriate for Prince Charles to use his privileged position as a public personality to expound his personal opinions". "And if we're talking about genes, let's just think about gene pools", he added, in what appeared to be a veiled reference to the close family ties among Europe's royals. Prince Philip was more outspoken, calling his son "a bloody Luddite" when spotted by reporters outside Dimitri's House of Kebab in Soho. "Sometimes I despair of that boy," he said. "He won't even use a bloody mobile phone." Greenpeace and Friends of the Earth, are among a number of groups that are opposed to the commercialisation of GM in the UK until more research has been done. "The government will ignore this report at its peril," said Friends of the Earth spokesman Pete Riley from the tree to which he was chained, while knocking back a bottle of organic seaweed juice. In a related development, a highly-placed Downing Street source has shown DeadBrain a personal letter from US President "Boy" George W. Bush to Tony Blair in which he expresses his alarm at the possibility of the government banning GM products in the UK. "Dear Tony, GM have built their Voxhall [sic] cars in the U of K [sic] for a long time and I hope that you won't kick them out. All the Best, G. P.S. Thanks for all the support."
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2001-2009 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Sheep |