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Bush excited about forthcoming UK visit
29 Sep 2003 by Malcolm Drury
US President "Boy" George W. Bush is reported to be very excited about his forthcoming state visit to the UK in November. Mr Bush's wife, Laura, will accompany him on the trip, during which they will stay at Buckingham Palace.
A White House aide, speaking on condition of strict anonymity, told DeadBrain the President is driving everyone there up the wall. He has packed, unpacked and re-packed his bags several times, and he tells everyone he encounters, including the White House cats, that he is going to see "Queen and the Duke of Ellington".
"He keeps going on and on about seeing Queen and how much he likes their music," said the aide, "and he sings 'We will rock you' all the time, except he says 'we will awe and shock you'. We've tried to explain things to him but he has his mind firmly set. Frankly, it's getting to be a real pain."
"He can't - or won't - sleep at night," the aide continued. "He has his cocoa and is in bed by his usual time of 9, or 10 at weekends, but he is so pumped up about the trip that he's literally bouncing around in his bed. It's very wearing."
The aide said that several remedies have been attempted, including playing back some of the President's speeches to him, in the hope that they would help him nod off as they have helped so many others; getting Attorney General John "Darth Vader" Ashcroft to threaten to send him to Guantanamo Bay; and having Secretary of Offence Donald "Dr. Strangelove" Rumsfeld promise him a taste of a laser-guided 'smart' slipper if he doesn't settle down, but nothing seems to work.
"I think we're just going to have to ride it out until November," added the aide, with a deep sigh.
Douglas Ramsbottom, Chief Protocol Officer at the Palace, told our reporter that preparations were already under way for the visit. The good china and silver have been put away, and the suite to be used by the Bush couple is being redecorated in a cowboy motif. Meanwhile, the royal chef is stocking up on hamburger patties, and Her Majesty is taking lessons in the Texan dialect in the hope that she might better be able to understand her guest.
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