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Premiership teams issue denials over latest scandal
4 Oct 2003 by Flash Gorman
In a frenzy of telephone activity, Premiership teams the country over have been denying the involvement of their players in the recent reports of shockingly inappropriate behaviour. Whilst avoiding naming names, several tabloids have described how up to seven members of a premiership team were involved in a series of training exercises designed to improve their skills and general fitness.
It is alleged that they attended these sessions up to five times a week and, most shockingly of all, there are claims that they abstained from drink and drugs as part of this – so-called – fitness regime.
Despite press restrictions preventing the players' team from being named, DeadBrain has received a number of calls from Premiership team managers anxious to distance their clubs from this scandal.
We are not permitted to name the callers but suffice to say they were from the top draw of the premiership. Manager X from Club Y was typical of the calls we received.
"There's no way any of ma players would be involved in something like this," he explained whilst furiously chewing on a piece of gum. "I can personally testify that all ma players were out on all night benders on all of the nights in question – in fact on all of nights during the season so far. As a club manager there is no way I would condone the professionalism and personal pride allegedly displayed by these players. That sort of thing was ok in the Stanley Matthews day but its just not part of the modern game – you've only got to look at the shining example set by players like George Best to see that."
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