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| You are passing rapidly through: Home > News | 17th May |
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 Bush upset over Nobel Peace Prize, promises "decisive action" 10 Oct 2003 by Malcolm Drury Upset that Iranian lawyer Shirin Ebadi has been awarded the 2003 Nobel Peace Prize rather than him, US President "Boy" George W. Bush today promised decisive action against Norway and the Norwegian Nobel Committee, DeadBrain has learned. The prize was awarded to Ms Ebadi for her work in defending human rights and promoting democracy. The £800,000 prize will be handed out at a ceremony in Oslo on December 10th. Speaking at a press conference at the White House this morning, a visibly agitated Mr Bush railed at the decision. "If anyone has defended human rights and promoted democracy it's me," he stormed. "I got rid of the Taliban in Afghanistan, and I got rid of Saddam Hussein™ and brought democracy back to the people of Iraq. If that's not defending rights and promoting democracy I don't know what is." Pope John Paul had been considered the most likely of this year's nominees to win the prize. Czech president Vaclav Havel, winner of this year's Gandhi Peace Prize, and Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula had also nominated. "I wasn't even in the short list," complained Mr Bush. "I guess I can understand the Pope being in the running, what with being so old, but Havel already got a prize, and I don't know what Lulu [sic] has done to get nominated! It's just not fair. Nobody ever gives me prizes." "Make no mistake about it, the Norwanians will pay for this insult," he warned. "I will take decisive action. That's what I'm good at. For starters, I've asked Don [Rumsfeld, US Secretary of Offence] if he can spare a tank battalion or two to send over there to teach them a lesson. They can be in Copenhagen by tomorrow noon. I don't care if Norway is a NATO ally, they didn't support me over Iraq and now this. It's the last straw." Asked to explain how he reconciled the US imprisonment without trial of over 600 people at Guantanamo Bay with his claim to be a defender of human rights, or what his administration's Patriot Act had done to improve rights and democracy in the US itself, or indeed how exactly Iraq is democratic, being that it is run by Americans and no elections have taken place, Mr Bush seemed confused, staring vacantly at the gathered reporters for several seconds before being whisked away by an aide who said he had suddenly remembered that the President had a pressing engagement. White House spokesperson Mildred K. Ramsbottom later told reporters that the President had calmed down after having a glass of milk and some biscuits, and was no longer threatening military action against Norway. "We cobbled together a silver cup on a nice mahogany base and told him he'd been named Newsmaker of the Month by CNN, and he seemed satisfied with that," she said. Related Articles Guantanamo Bay interpreters suspected of Comical Ali influence 7 Oct 2003 White House sacks Bush speechwriters after poor UN performance 24 Sep 2003 Branson considering Iraq bid 22 Sep 2003 In Brief: Leaders find common ground in Iraq talks 20 Sep 2003 Cheney look-alike blames Saddam Hussein™ for everything 17 Sep 2003 US seeks alternative financing for its occupation of Iraq 5 Sep 2003
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