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Van Damme, Lundgren to enter American politics
11 Oct 2003 by Joey Sarajevo
In a curious echo of the mid-80s movie-making scene, American politics is bracing itself for an influx of European musclemen. Following Arnold Schwarzenegger's victory in California's Gubernatorial election last Tuesday, several less celebrated continental lunkheads are eyeing up potential opportunities.
Amongst the first to throw his hat into the ring was Jean-Claude Van Damme. Speaking to reporters outside his California residence, Mr Van Damme, 42 - star of cinematic atrocities such as Street Fighter and The Quest - was quick to acknowledge the inspiration offered to him by the "Austrian Oak".
"For sure, Arnold was a big influence on my early career. He proved that a European name and a complete lack of anything resembling acting ability was no barrier to success in Hollywood, so long as you had pectoral muscles like pork chops stuffed with Volkswagens. And now he's shown that those qualities can be the key to success in politics also. Of course, I'm not as well known as him, so I'll have to start out somewhere smaller."
Mr Van Damme is now set to enter the race to become Mayor of Albequerque, New Mexico. An earlier plan to stand in elections for the Massachusetts' State Senate was abandoned when advisers realised that the more northerly climate could interfere with his habit of lolling naked in outdoor swimming pools exposing his limp genitalia to documentary film crews. In the absence of a recognisable catchphrase such as "I'll be back", Mr Van Damme's campaign is expected to centre on his comedy Belgian accent and firm, toned buttocks.
"The Muscles from Brussels" is not the only lesser-known light of action cinema to follow Mr Schwarzenegger's lead. Dolph Lundgren's inability to deliver a line as simple as "I have the power!" in 1987's He-Man is not expected to prevent his being elected Sheriff of Marmarth, North Dakota. "I feel I can do a good job for the people here," dribbled Mr Lundgren, "and Arnold's election has been a real boost."
In Washington, seasoned observers on both sides of the political divide have denied that the muscle-bound newcomers represent a new phase in the "dumbing-down" of American politics. "I don't see how that can be the case," commented one senior Republican. "Just look at who we got made President."
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