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| You have been drawn towards: Home > News | 17th May |
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 Bush appeals directly to Europeans for Iraq aid 16 Oct 2003 by Malcolm Drury DeadBrain has obtained a leaked copy of a video tape that features US President "Boy" George W. Bush making an impassioned plea for donations to help pay for his country's occupation and rebuilding of Iraq. The tape is apparently intended for broadcast closer to the Christmas season, and aimed directly at Europeans. The Bush administration has been consistently unsuccessful in getting financial support through the United Nations for the US presence in Iraq. France, Germany and Russia have agreed to back the USA's latest amended UN resolution but they still refuse to contribute troops or funds to the reconstruction effort. It is believed that the Christmas appeal format has been developed as a contingency plan. In the 15-minute appeal, Mr Bush attempts to reach out directly to the people of Europe, especially the French and Germans, asking them to ignore their politicians, put aside their differences with America and give generously. "J'aime le fromage," he says. "Ich bin ein Hamburger." "At this season of peace and goodwill, we really need your support," he continues. "This war is costing us a lot. We may soon have to abandon our planned further tax cuts for Americans, and we may be unable to pay our troops in Iraq or send them a Christmas package. So please, send whatever you can afford. If you're not with us you're against us and the terrorists have won." At one point the President strokes what appears to be a stuffed poodle sitting on his desk, and with a tear in his eye recounts how he once had a little dog called Checkers. "But it died," he says, "just like those little Iraqi doggies will die if we can't get food and water to them. We are trying our best, but there are just so many of them... so very many." At the end of the tape, apparently unaware that the microphone is still live, the President turns to an unseen person to the side and says, smiling broadly, "That oughta get the suckers to get their wallets out. How'd ya like the bit with the dog?" A voice replies, "Good sir, but I think it's been done before", to which the President replies, "Aw nuts, but nobody will remember. I didn't." White House spokesperson Mildred K. Ramsbottom told reporters that an investigation would be conducted into who had leaked the tape. "The President has had enough leaks already," she said. "We are determined to get to the bottom of this." A spokesman for al-Jazeera television told DeadBrain that it appeared that the tape was genuine, but obviously unedited. He explained that there were several clues as to its authenticity, noting in particular one shot in which there is a brief glimpse of what appears to be Secretary of Offence Donald "Dr. Strangelove" Rumsfeld threatening to strangle Condoleeza Rice, the President's National Security Advisor. Mr Rumsfeld moves quickly out of shot when approached by a technician, and there is a faint but distinct, "It's still my show and I'll deal with you later" on the soundtrack. Related Articles Bush upset over Nobel Peace Prize, promises "decisive action" 10 Oct 2003 Guantanamo Bay interpreters suspected of Comical Ali influence 7 Oct 2003 White House sacks Bush speechwriters after poor UN performance 24 Sep 2003 Branson considering Iraq bid 22 Sep 2003 In Brief: Leaders find common ground in Iraq talks 20 Sep 2003 Cheney look-alike blames Saddam Hussein™ for everything 17 Sep 2003
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