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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · John Prescott |
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| You are disappointed to see: Home > News | 11th February |
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Campaign begins to put Blaine back in box 19 Oct 2003 A campaign has begun tonight to get illusionist David Blaine to go back into the box he has just come out of. Blaine, who had allegedly been in a Perspex box above the Thames for the last 44 days, emerged tonight to a huge fanfare on Sky One and general indifference from the rest of the population. Onlooker Douglas Ramsbottom, who joined the crowd of people around Blaine's box after mistaking it for a bus queue following today's Underground derailment, told DeadBrain that he was disappointed by the stunt. "44 days isn't really that long, is it?" he said. "I mean he hasn't changed colour or anything, and he hasn't pulled a rabbit out of the box with him. There aren't even any doves – just a few pigeons that were here anyway. He should go back into the box until he can think of something better to do." Media commentator Gregory T Mullet agreed with Mr Ramsbottom. "I find it astonishing that people find this pointless stunt even vaguely interesting," he told DeadBrain. "There are millions of people starving every day through no choice of their own, and they manage it for more than 44 days. Blaine's effort is pathetic. What would be really impressive is if he went back into the box and died or something. I'd like to see him get out of that one." London tourism chiefs are also keen to prolong the stunt. According to Sky One, which has been showing live pictures of Blaine in the absence of any decent programming, an estimated 250,000 people have visited the site since Blaine entered the box on 5th September. "It's been a major boost for London at a time of year when people don't usually want to come to the capital," said one source. "If we could stretch this out a bit longer it would really help us, especially what with the bad publicity around the Underground at the moment. However, obviously him dying in there wouldn't be that great a PR strategy for us so hopefully it wouldn't go that far." A whole new retail sector has sprung up around the site, with street traders selling rotten vegetables, golf balls and paintball guns to the passing public. Sales of laser pens and "food that smells a lot" have also gone up by 75% in the surrounding area over the course of the 44 days. The end of the stunt could prove disastrous for local businesses. "I for one am really disappointed that Blaine's finished in his box," said one trader who was selling special edition David Blaine peashooters. "I suppose now I'll have to go back to flogging plastic Big Bens and other expensive tat to tourists. This was much more interesting." Campaigners, led by a bored DeadBrain office worker, have now started a petition to get Blaine to go back into his box "for as long as possible". For the good of London's tourist industry and to irritate the hell out of a pointless jumped-up conjurer, we ask you to join us if you haven't already and sign our petition by leaving your comments below.
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