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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Boris Johnson |
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| You have trodden in: Home > News | 22nd May |
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 Conservatives replace balding, unelectable leader with balding, unelectable leader 6 Nov 2003 The Conservative Party has today replaced its balding, unelectable leader with a balding, unelectable leader (Haven't we done this before? Ed). In a move described by assorted Tories as "progress", Andrew Marr as "exciting" and anyone else who noticed as "irrelevant" (Yeah, we've definitely been here before. Ed), Mr Howard is this afternoon celebrating after narrowly winning the one-horse race to become leader. Speaking after sampling the blood of young virgins in a marginal constituency, Mr Howard said, "It's been a close run thing, I almost didn't make it, but I'm here now." He went on to urge his party to unite behind him. "And this time not with knives," he added, flashing his fangs as a warning to any rebel MPs. In a rousing speech to the party, Mr Howard stopped short of telling MPs to go back to their constituencies and prepare for government, but he did tell journalists that he would be going back to his coffin and preparing for a night's hunting. "You're quite welcome to join me," he said with a smile to one Sun hackette. Related Articles Howard to introduce uniforms for Tory MPs if elected 4 Nov 2003 Fiennes to be approached to seek Tory leadership 3 Nov 2003 Trick or treat with Michael Howard 31 Oct 2003 Howard to stand as Tory leader after all 30 Oct 2003 16:14 Entire Conservative Party rules itself out of leadership contest 29 Oct 2003 23:55 Satirists mourn loss of Duncan Smith as Tory leader, figure of fun 29 Oct 2003 19:40
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