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| You are lounging next to: Home > News | 19th March |
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 Prince Charles changes name, becomes * 13 Nov 2003 by Malcolm Drury In an attempt to deflect further attention from himself following recent allegations that are totally false in an unspecified way, Prince Charles has changed his name to * and copyrighted the term "Prince Charles©", DeadBrain has learned. *, pronounced as "the Royal formerly known as Prince Charles©", has recently been accused of something unspecified that cannot be reported for legal reasons, except in anywhere other than England and Wales, but which is specifically not thought to involve a goat, a banana and a service station on the M6. A spokesman for * read a prepared statement to reporters outside #, *'s official residence (formerly known as Clarence House and pronounced "the official residence formerly known as the official residence of the Royal formerly known as Prince Charles©"). "His Highness will no longer respond to 'Prince Charles©'," he said, "and, as a copyrighted term, the media will be required to obtain permission every time they wish to use it. We are also taking steps to prevent the downloading without permission of any photographs of * from the web, and are prepared to sue anyone who does so." "* has taken this step reluctantly," he continued, "in order to be able to focus on doing his job of criticising architecture and writing letters to Cabinet Ministers." He added that as the copyrighting was retroactive to the beginning of October this year, all usage of the term 'Prince Charles©' by media, including web sites, since then must be paid for at the rate of £25 per occurrence. "* does not wish to profit from this," said the spokesman, "so proceeds will be split equally between the RSPCA and the Countryside Alliance, to support their fight against the ban on hunting with hounds." The spokesman also took the opportunity to deny a possible rumour in advance, in the event it should ever appear, that Prince Harry Potter has asked * for permission to change his name to Joel QQ and become a rap singer. Douglas Ramsbottom, a spokesman for Buckingham Palace, told our reporter in confidence that *'s father, Prince Philip, went ballistic on hearing the news, apparently saying that "the bloody boy has finally flipped" and blaming it on his having ingested too many organic vegetables instead of "normal food that normal people eat, like kebabs and baklava." Gregory T. Mullet, DeadBrain's editor-in-chief, said it would be a cold day in Hades before he paid to use the term 'Prince Charles©'. He was last seen being bundled into a black car with tinted windows by four burly men, possibly from #. Related Articles Prince Charles linked to Hamiltons in new allegations 12 Nov 2003 Prince Charles's potted plants to move out of Clarence House 10 Nov 2003 Newspaper lets cat out of bag over Charles allegations 9 Nov 2003 The allegations against Prince Charles 8 Nov 2003 Royals to issue blanket denial of all unspecified allegations 7 Nov 2003
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