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| You have come across: Home > News | 5th September |
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 Tories sack HQ in further reshuffle 13 Nov 2003 by Matt Knight Conservative Party bloodletting extended to inanimate objects this week when newly crowned leader Michael Howard sacked the building that has served the party faithfully for the past 45 years. In scenes reminiscent of Margaret Thatcher's downfall, a man in a grey suit and a hard hat privately informed the building that support for it had subsided. But the Tory HQ building, located in Smith Square, London, stood firm last night and issued the following statement: "For the past few weeks I have been aware of fighting within my walls and it is time for those buildings lurking in the shadows to put up or to shut up shop, once and for all." Earlier in the day, the building privately made an impassioned plea to senior building con/de-tractors. "Yes," it said, "I have made mistakes. The left wing of the building has been closed for repairs for too long and yes, the toilets on the second floor are still blocked. But I'm begging you. Don't let them knock me down. Changing buildings now would be a huge error. The housing market is going to go belly up at any moment." Later on at a press conference the Tory HQ said: "I would like to make it clear that I put myself forward for the HQ contest and that I fight on, and I fight to win." Support for the building is, however, crumbling away. DeadBrain's Political Editor, Douglas Ramsbottom, spoke to new Tory Co-chairman, Maurice Saatchi, who explained: "There is only so long you can keep up the façade – in this case a Georgian one, tacked on to something built in the 1950s. It's new dressed up as old, which is the exact opposite of what we are trying to promote. And it's too bloody big!" The building is tonight said to be actively seeking support to prevent a complete collapse. Related Articles Howard plans further downsizing of Tory Party 12 Nov 2003 BBC to sue Howard over alleged Dr Who rip-off 11 Nov 2003 Howard appoints Council of Elders, Sheriff of Nottingham 10 Nov 2003 Conservatives replace balding, unelectable leader with balding, unelectable leader 6 Nov 2003 Howard to introduce uniforms for Tory MPs if elected 4 Nov 2003
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