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Daily Mirror infiltrated by journalist despite high security
The Daily Mirror has been shocked to its poorly-written foundations by the revelation today that a bona-fide journalist has been working in its offices. In a bold undercover operation, top journalist Douglas Ramsbottom was easily able to obtain a post at the Mirror despite not being a talentless hack.

"It was all too easy," explained Douglas. "I was given a simple writing test and they failed to spot that I'd spelt all the words correctly. What's more, even a cursory check into my background would have revealed that I am a fully qualified journalist with a reputation for original and incisive writing. Hardly the sort of person who should be writing for the Mirror."

In his two months at the Mirror, Douglas had full access to many sensitive areas. For example he could quite easily have swapped one of the "3am girls" stories for an informed piece of journalism, thus depriving the readership of their daily dose of mindless gossip. More chillingly, he was also left unsupervised with editor Pierce Morgan's ego, often for hours at a time.

Overcoming his usual publicity shyness Morgan has played down the implications of the security lapse. "We have a number of in-house security measures that would have prevented this impostor from doing any real damage. At no point were Mirror readers in any danger of being exposed to journalism."

A quick rummage through today's Mirror seems to confirm Mr Morgan's claims, with the paper full of its usual colourful mix of celebrity stories and sports exclusives. Nevertheless we can only hope that the Mirror Group reviews its procedures to ensure its much-admired publication remains a journalism-free zone.

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