Bush state visit: Dubya's diary - day one
19 Nov 2003 by Malcolm Drury
DeadBrain has obtained exclusive access to President "Boy" George W. Bush's personal record of his visit to Britain. We are not at liberty to reveal our source but can state categorically that it is not Paul Burrell.
It seems that Mr Bush makes notes on his day while having his cocoa before getting into bed. What follows is a verbatim transcript of his report on day one in the UK. The numerous spelling errors have been retained for authenticity. Only the many crossings-out have been omitted for clarity.
Good flight. Saw 'Goldmember' again. Love that Powers guy - he reminds me so much of myself, except I got better teeth.
Landed on skedyal in the U of K. Raining. Met at some Limey air force base by the Prince of Charles. Sheesh, get a load of those ears.
He got a bit upset when one of our security guys insisted on strip searching him before he got on the hellycopter but I told him they always do that to Laura and she don't mind, so he said OK. Seemed to me like he didn't mind it a bit.
Boy, he sure talks funny. On the way in to London he kept pointing to what he called carbunkels or something - I didn't get much of what he says. Seems them carbunkels is what we call highrises back home.
Landed OK at Buckingham Castle. Met by Queen. Only one of them, though - don't know where the others were, so didn't ask her to sing.
Dook of Ellington seems a nice guy - he told me I am the barmiest bugger he's ever met. Not sure what it means but I'm sure it's a condiment.
Stayed up late chatting. I usually go to bed at 9 but with the time difference I wasn't tired. So when Queen and Dook went to bed at 11 I hung around with our security guys. Got to feeling hungry so looked around for some chow.
Found a barbecue pit out back so fired it up and sent the guys to look for something to put on it. One of the guys found a Limey rabbit wandering around and brought it out. Wierdest looking rabbit I ever seen, but it cooked up real good.
The guys got a bit loud and Queen ended up sticking her head out of a window and telling us go to bed. "Some peeple are trying to sleep, you know," she said. "By the way, have you seen a corgi down there? There's one missing." Told her I hadn't seen no corgi, only that weird looking rabbit that we'd et.
Finally got into bed at 2 in the a.m. Laura sleeping so decided to go straight to sleep myself. She probably had a headache anyway. Usually does.
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Oi, down here!