Up early. Went for quick jog round the garden but several of them wierd looking Limey rabbits kept running after me and biting my ankles until some of our security guys shot 'em. (The rabbits, not my ankles.) Wondering what Donny [Rumsfeld] is getting up to.

After breakfast was offishally welcomed to the U of K by Queen and the Dook of Ellington outside Buckingham Castle. These Limey's are strange - like, as if I hadn't stayed there the night before - but went along with it as it made for good TV.

Heard a lot of explosions and several of our security guys tried to throw themselves on me, and some others started shooting, but it turned out it was just a 41 gun salute. Luckily nobody got hurt, except a couple of pigeons, and they almost got another of them wierd rabbits. Queen seemed real upset about that, and tried taking a swing at our guys with her handbag.

Gave a speech at some place called Bankwetting House. Gave 'em the usual stuff about evil and how the Americans and the Limeys are the best of friends and how we respect democrasy and human rights. I think they swallowed it. Nobody asked about [illegible - appears to be an attempt at 'Guantanamo'] Bay. Got the pages mixed up at one point but I don't think anyone noticed.

Later went to bankwet put on by Queen and Dook. Managed not to choke on anything but couldn't figger out which utensil to use. Ended up trying to eat soup with fish fork. Food OK but I can't wait to get back home for a good steak. Liked the vegitibles though and told Prince of Charles so. He said he grows his own. Told him he would go to jail in the States for doing that. He didn't seem to understand me. Maybe it's his accent.

Queen gave a speech but I didn't get most of it. She talks real funny. I gave another speech. Terry Blair there - he clapped a lot. I like Terry.

Afterwards played Scrabble with Queen and Dook until time for cocoa, but these Limey's can't spel - Dook wanted to spel kolor with a u in it. Sheesh, no wonder they lost their empire.

Queen went off to look for missing corgis. Hope she finds 'em and sets 'em on those wierd looking rabbits.

Went to bed. Laura had headache so got up to try to find some aspirin. Got a bit lost and bumped into Dook. He said he wanted to sneak out for a kebab but couldn't get past all the security so I said let's take the hellycopter. I got the keys and he said he could drive. He said the controls looked as if they'd been installed by a bunch of Indians and he didn't know how to work them so we ended up going to the kitchen and getting some pizza from the fridge.

Went back to bed but forgot the aspirin. Laura asleep anyway. Tried to call Donny but couldn't figger out how to use Limey phone.