Dear Tony,

I would like you to do something about troublesome neighbours. I have had the misfortune to live next door to an increasingly deranged, borderline psychotic, delusional neighbour for about six years. And I feel powerless, under existing local laws, to do anything about his unwelcome tenancy. When I tried to join the local residents association a few months ago, which he happens to chair, they turned my application down. I was absolutely ******* livid!

I should be thankful that he has been away travelling for much of the past eighteen months. Christ knows where he's been! Pluto, a neighbour suggested. But he's now back and he's turned his self-obsessed wrath on to me, and the surrounding neighbourhood. He has totally changed. He is picking fights with everyone. He's been taunting all the neighbours. The rumour around here is that he's picked up something from a barmy tribe in Texas.

To be fair to him, he has not always been like this. But you see, I've never really liked him. He used to be popular with the neighbours, especially when he used to talk to the people across the street. Sometimes leaning but mostly sitting on the fence, mug of tea in hand, gesticulating like a dyslexic orchestra conductor. He always sounded and looked so honest, so trusting.

I've never been too sure of the company he keeps though. People will pop in and out all the time. I've seen a sinister man with a handlebar moustache leave as late as five in the morning. I saw him only last week. You can hear one chap through the walls. Shouting and swearing all the time. Although I haven't heard him for a while. And last Monday, he had a trail of sinister and ugly men troop in through his front door. I couldn't count how many of them there were because he's put a massive Christmas tree in front of my window.

Please Tony will you do something about this dreadful man. He's taken over the neighbourhood and running it like a tyrant


Gordon
Downing Street, London