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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Prince Charles |
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| You have been flattened by: Home > News | 10th February |
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 Royals to be moved outside London 11 Dec 2003 by Malcolm Drury The government is to announce plans to move the principal members of the Royal Family outside London, DeadBrain has learned. The move parallels plans by Chancellor Gordon Brown to sell off some prime buildings in central London and halve office rental costs by relocating between 20,000 and 30,000 civil servants outside the capital. Douglas Ramsbottom, a spokesman for Mr Brown, noted that there is no longer any defensible reason for civil servants to be physically located near to their political masters in the capital. "We'll give them phones and computers, and arrange video-conferencing, so they can be in touch from anywhere in the UK," he said. "And we think it's only fair to treat the Royals in the same way. After all, they are civil servants, too," he continued. He noted that the various London royal residences were all in "the primest of the prime" locations, and as they belong to the people anyway the government feels that the people should benefit from them - or rather, from selling them. "Take Buckingham Palace," he said, "you can't get a better location than that. The place is ripe for redevelopment. We would get a fortune for it." Mr Ramsbottom said that a number of buildings in much cheaper locations were being considered to house the displaced Royals, including a disused museum in Bootle and an abandoned railway station "somewhere" in England. "We're still negotiating that one," he said, "so we can't reveal the location, but I can say it's not anywhere Virgin goes - we do have some compassion. But either location would cost a lot less to maintain than the current residences in London." "Like the other civil servants, they'll have phones and whatnot, so they can always get in touch," he added. "And we can always get the Queen or any of them down when required for things like opening Parliament, but let's face it, none of them really needs to be in London all the time." Asked when the Royal Family would be apprised of the plan, Mr Ramsbottom said that Mr Brown was to discuss the issue with Tony Blair. "We believe that as Her Majesty's Prime Minister, it should be the PM who tells her," he said, noting that Mr Brown was about to leave the country for an indefinite time on urgent but unspecified business. In related news, video rental store managers in London have reported an upsurge in rentals of "Yes, Minister" and "Yes, Prime Minister" DVDs since the plan to locate civil servants became known. It is believed that the rentals are being made on behalf of very senior members of the service desperately seeking hints on how to avoid being moved. Late News DeadBrain has learned that the Disney Corporation has expressed interest in acquiring Buckingham Palace and its grounds and turning it into a "Merrie Olde Englande" theme park. A Disney spokesman refused to confirm this but told our reporter that they were looking to expand into the UK given the less than spectacular success of their French operation. Related Articles Royal Family obtains injunction against itself 24 Nov 2003 Prince Charles changes name, becomes * 13 Nov 2003 Prince Charles linked to Hamiltons in new allegations 12 Nov 2003 Prince Charles's potted plants to move out of Clarence House 10 Nov 2003 Newspaper lets cat out of bag over Charles allegations 9 Nov 2003
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