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Coalition: Saddam captured, will never buy weapons from us again
14 Dec 2003
The failed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein has been arrested as part of Operation Red Dawn, the coalition has announced. Speaking in the last few minutes, America's top man in Iraq, Paul Bremer, told a press conference "We got him!" and was greeted by whoops and cheers of delight by the impartial Fox News journalists present there.
A force of around 600 soldiers, including cavalry, engineers, artillery and world superheroes, searched two locations known as Wolverine 1 and Wolverine 2. Both were empty, but X-men characters Cyclops, Storm and Professor Charles Xavier then proceeded northwest from Wolverine 2 to find Saddam hidden in a "Spiderman hole".
A coalition spokesman presented footage of a medical check following Saddam's capture, which showed that he had grown a beard. He went on to say that the dictator had found part-time work as a Santa and that the coalition had found 2 AK-57s, pistols, a taxi, a large amount of US currency, a "reindeer of mass destruction" and a red hat with a white bobble in his possession.
The spokesman continued: "This is a defining moment in the new Iraq. Saddam Hussein will never return to a position of power where he can punish, exploit and terrorise his people and buy weapons from us to do it."
Speculation that the prisoner is in fact the late hippy Jungly Barry, who was last in the news when he was accused of being Lord Lucan, has been denied.
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