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Anglican Church in Nigeria offers deal to American Episcopalians
21 Dec 2003 by stcrispin
The Right Reverend Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury and titular leader of the Worldwide Anglican Communion, appeared on the steps of Lambeth Palace this morning to announce a possible, partial resolution of the schism that has been facing the Church since the Diocese of New Hampshire in the United States consecrated an openly gay priest as bishop.
Conservative churches throughout the world, and particularly in Africa, have denounced the consecration of Reverend Gene Robinson as contrary to Scripture. Thus, it was with evident relief that Archbishop Williams reported that the 17.5 million member Anglican Church of Nigeria had offered to recognize Bishop Robinson's status in exchange for assistance from the Diocese of New Hampshire in moving a substantial amount of money from Nigeria to the US.
"It seems they have some kind of bally regulations in Nigeria that restrict the amount of money you can send abroad," said Archbishop Williams, showing reporters a faxed letter Lambeth had received that morning from Lagos. "And well, these Nigerian chaps are very keen on supporting foreign missionaries, as it says here, so they need help from the Yanks in transferring some of their millions of dollars in missionary aid to the US for safekeeping."
"It says here that it is all quite legal and on the up and up. And they're being very generous on top of it all. Not only will they recognise the legitimacy of Robinson's consecration, they're even going to give the Diocese of New Hampshire one third of what they transfer out," he continued. "Lagos just needs the Americans to send over some bits of information, like their bank account numbers and, of course, their mother's maiden names so they can add them to their prayer lists."
Archdeacon Reginald Perthbite of the Diocese of New Hampshire later confirmed that the church had forwarded all of the requested information to Nigeria and was eagerly awaiting a visit from Nigerian churchmen who want to thank their fellow Anglicans in person for their help. "They promised to fly over as soon as they make the transfer into our account. At least, that's what I think they said. I was talking to someone using a cell phone and I guess reception is pretty bad over there because it sounded like he said something about transferring something out of our account, which of course wouldn't make any sense at all."
Nigerian Church officials, reached at a Champagne and Caviar Eucharist being held at the Lagos Rolls Royce Dealership, were quite enthusiastic about the help they had received from the Americans. "Oh my goodness yes indeedy," commented Canon Peter Karibi of the Diocese of Kebbi, Nigeria. "Please tell Bishop Robinson that everything is quite in order and that he should just sit tight on his rosy pink bottom until he hears from us again. Matters are very delicate right now and we must be very discrete, but everything is quite in order and that is all he really needs to know. Please tell him we shall fly right over and see him as soon as they deliver our new Lear Jet."
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