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Hostage Blair released by United States
24 Dec 2003
A British hostage held captive by the United States for the last two years has been released, DeadBrain has learned. The hostage in question, Tony Blair, had been forced to follow his captors' every will, including taking Britain to war twice, staying quiet on Guantanamo Bay and participating in several alleged sexual incidents.
Little is known about Mr Blair's captors, but it is believed that the ringleader has the codename "Dubya" and resides in a large white building in Washington DC. Dubya apparently allowed Mr Blair some freedoms, including world travel and his own bed three days a week, but retained complete control over his hostage by means of an electronic chip planted on the brain.
"Dubya was inspired by Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which he is a keen fan of," said an intelligence source. "He got some of the people in the CIA, an organisation with close links to Dubya's group, to develop a chip like the one used on Spike. It's been quite effective, there have been very few incidents where Blair has deviated from Dubya's commands."
A close friend of Mr Blair said that he had mostly been treated well, except in the last couple of days when he had been force-fed beef against his will. It is understood that the American beef, which may have been infected with BSE, caused an adverse reaction with the chip and Mr Blair was released on compassionate grounds.
However, Swedish hostage expert Gregory T Ramssmüllet told DeadBrain that Mr Blair might be suffering from so-called Stockholm Syndrome, whereby the abused forms a bond with the abuser. "If Blair was released from this just recently, then you would expect him to retaliate in some way, such as by banning American beef like every other country, but he hasn't," he said. "The bond between him and this Dubya could be very hard to break, even with the chip removed."
Mr Blair's friend said that he would have been home for Christmas, but he prefers to spend it in Egypt "because he can".
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Oi, down here!
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