Dubya's Week: Blame the terrorists

Sunday 4 Januerry
I can't figger this out. There's been some presidential election in Georgia, but it's not election time until November, and since when did states have their own president anyway? Florida doesn't have a president, it's just Jeb, and West Carolina and Mississisisisippi and Vermont and them others don't have a president, so why should Georgia?

Monday 5 Januerry
Donny dropped by with another tape from that Osama bin Laden, he said the CIA thinks its genuine. I said how about if I make some tapes and we send them to bin Laden, I could say things like "I got Saddam and if you don't give yourself up I'll get you, even if I have to look in every hole in Afghanistan and Pakistan and Iranistan." Donny said he didn't think that was a very good idea, for one thing we don't know where bin Laden is hiding. I bet he's just jellous that I thunk of a grate idea, maybe I'll make a video tape anyway, I could wear my flight suit and general's hat, and maybe drive a tank.

Got a call from somebody to say another case of sores has been confirmed in China. Sheesh, that Chinese guy Obi-Wan Jayboy was here just before Christmas and I shook hands with him, hope he wasn't contaminerated, I don't want no more sores, I'm still sore where the cat bit me, have to sit kinda sideways.

Toosday 6 Januerry
Donny came round in a flap, seems a lot of our troops in Iraq, Kuwait and Afghanistan are near the end of their contract term and they want to come home when it's over, but if they do we won't have enough there. He said he had issued an order to say they have to stay there, blame Al Kayda and bin Laden. I said that's a grate idea, maybe we could do the same if the election doesn't go well and we want to stay around a while to sort something out, just in case Jeb can't help this time, I could declare an emergency and issue an order that we all had to stay in power. He said he would talk about it to Ashcroft and Cheney.

Wensday 7 Januerry
Gave a speech and said I thought all them Mexicans that are here illegally should be allowed to stay here and work, at least until after the election, well, somebody has to pick the fruit and clean our houses. Should be good for the Hispanic vote.

Speaking of which, decided it would be a good idea if I learned a bit of Mexican so asked one of the aides to set me up with some lessons, I didn't quite catch what he said but it sounded like why don't you try learning English first. That don't make sense, I talk English real good.

Thersday 8 Januerry
Terry Blair phoned me to ask about extending some visa deadline for U of K citizens coming to America. I didn't really know what he was talking about, but I figgered it's not any of our business if they can't pay their visa bill so I said take it up with the bank. Terry said thanks George I knew I could count on you to understand. Terry's a grate guy but he does need my help now and then.

His call got me to thinking about Sherry again. Darn, I thought I was getting over her.

Friday 9 Januerry
Phoned Terry Blair to ask him what's going on, his chief scientist says climate change is a far greater threat to the world than international terrorism and the US is mostly to blame, I said that's not very helpful is it Terry, I thought you were on our side against the terrorists. Might have to reconsider his pay rise if he can't keep his staff under control. Terry apologised but said peeple were beginning to notice that the climate was changing. I said climate change is probably the fault of the terrorists anyway, told him I would ask Cheney to get the CIA to look into it, see if they couldn't find some evidence. I suggested he have a quiet word with this scientist guy, explane things to him, he might not understand the intricrasses of politics that bigger branes like mine and Terry's have to deal with.

Saterday 10 Januerry
Day off.

Donny came over to help take down the Chrismass deckerations, a bit late but we've both been busy this week. I accidentally knocked the tree over then trod on the angel from the top of it, Donny said I done it on purpose, he knew I never liked that angel, but I said no, it was an accident, and besides who was it et all the candy canes, sure as heck wasn't me. He said next year he was having his own tree and I said maybe there won't be a next year for you bub, not at the White House anyway, so he went off in a huff and left me to put everything away.